Committed and Feeling Good!

My calf muscles are SO sore from two straight days of jogging and other workouts. Taking a break today, and back at it tomorrow. BUT, I am doing consistently great with my caloric intake which is also a huge part of not only losing the weight I want, but also maintaining the weight I want once I get there again. What is my goal weight you ask?? 150-155 pounds. Right now I am 166 pounds. I got this!!! At one point after my reconstructive surgery I weighed 145 pounds. Which although I loved seeing a number that low (I mean what former obese girl wouldn't?) James and a few friends all expressed that I looked too thin... so I am thinking 150-155 is the better range to shoot for.

I can honestly say I am feeling a much stronger sense of commitment and determination right now than I have in over a year. Not sure what "clicked"... but glad it did. Maybe it was a certain number on the scale... or maybe it was seeing that the weight I put on was visible to me in my face and arms... but whatever it is I was NOT ok with it. All that hard work and also all the pain from surgeries will never be for nothing! I have a pic of "fat Eva" as my wallpaper on my phone just so I have a constant reminder. One day at a time people.. one day at a time.

Diligence

Trying to exercise more often (Gotta get rid of this excess 15 pounds that has been around for almost 2 years now). Last night I did a new intense workout that I found on YouTube. I definitely worked up a sweat. Tonight I am gonna go for a short run with Evelyn... and then do that same workout again. Feeling more determined lately and ready to be back in the game of diligence!! Weight loss surgery can help you lose weight, and it can give you confidence... but it can't fix the way you think about food. All things considered, I am doing great though... which my doctors also say. I am proud of the weight I lost, and will be proud when I lose this annoying 15 pounds too. I CAN do it... and I WILL do it.

New Years Resolutions and Healthy Choices

Here we are in 2017.  For 2016 I made my first New Year’s Resolution (To read the entire Bible in a year) and successfully completed it.  This made me feel so excited and proud that I decided to create another one for 2017.  I have 3 resolutions, but the one that is the most important is that I have decided to do some form of exercises, mainly planks and crunches, every single day.  Because of my tummy tuck and my surgeon stitching together my stomach muscles I know I have the potential to have a tight and firm stomach, possibly even a six pack.  (At least that is what the surgeon told me.)  I am on day 4 right now and doing great.  I printed up a monthly exercise program that takes me just a few minutes a day and then on top of that I plan to randomly do planks throughout the day hopefully… but at a minimum, at least once a day.  I started off being able to do a 45 second plank, and already have added an extra 5 seconds on to that.  SWEEEET!!

I am excited to see the transition that this will bring over the course of a year.  I should probably take a before pic, just in case there is some actual visual difference when December 2017 rolls around.  I am also trying very hard to strictly maintain the calorie intake goals I have set for myself for each day.  As you all know I have struggled to get this annoying 10-15 pounds off of me that I put on over the course of two years.  It isn’t noticeable to anyone else really, but it certainly is to me and of course it’s visible on the scale.  So the combo of doing that with the exercise should be interesting.

Lastly, I am happy to report that I have been great about cutting back on my bad habit of eating WAY too many protein bars all day.  I finally made a promise to James that I would go cold turkey for a while to get myself out of the habit of eating them.  It’s never a good thing to have too much of anything, and when you are eating those for every meal and snack… well…. That just isn’t healthy.  So… I was able to finally break free and now I only have them once a month.  And it’s just the one bar.  Feels good to have broken that bad habit.  I suppose you could say I have been accomplishing a lot in 2016.  LOL.  

I will try to keep random updates on here about how my resolution is going and if I can feel or see any progress.  Also if I lose that pesky weight.  Everything else is still going great, taking my vitamins every day, trying to stay hydrated, and despite feeling tired often I am keeping busy.  Too bad my Sleep Apnea never went away… that would have been nice.  Anyway… Happy New Year to you all… ttyl.

Achilles Heal

Snacking is my achilles heal.  For sure.  Why I have struggled to lose this annoying 10 pounds that I gained back a year ago is plain for me to see.  It’s the snacking.  PRAISE GOD I can not snack on sweets anymore and thank you God that I also can’t snack on a lot.  I am also so thankful for my family and friends who all hold me accountable when they do see me trying to snack.  If I could have one trivial wish it would be for me to only eat when I am actually hungry.

It’s not just me I realize, I am not alone in this.  But being someone who has lost so much weight and is in general being very successful at keeping it off… this 10 pounds is very annoying.  Wouldn’t it be nice if the weight loss surgery could also solve the food problem I have in my brain?  I would really love for it to…  but sadly that is not the case.  I have to be determined.. I have to be resolute….and I need to just stop being a total idiot.  I know what I need to do… I need to just DO IT!!  

On the plus side I still consider myself a great success story.  I feel like 10 pounds in 5 years is not bad at all.  I eat well and take my vitamins… and I am always sure to eat all my protein.   What I need to get back to doing that I was doing and then stopped… is exercising. I HATE exercise which makes it really hard to want to even do it a little bit.  LOL… but I really need to.  Ugh… so annoying.  Why can’t being athletic just be a natural thing?  Anyway… that is all for now… just wanted to vent/discuss the enemy that is snacking.  I think we can all agree that it is an evil we ALL struggle with.

Stretch Marks and Belly Buttons

It’s still strange sometimes to look in the mirror and see stretch marks that I know used to be in a whole different spot than where they are now.  The tummy tuck scars and muscles have long since healed (it’s been over 3 years now) and everything is as it should be.  Hard to believe that 5 pounds of skin was removed and skin was pulled and moved around to create the nice shape I have now.  Stretch marks that were on my far side are now in the front, and some that were way below or up high are now centered.  It’s a funny thing to see when you really pay attention to stuff like that, which I do. LOL

Also strange and not as attractive is my new belly button. The old ones was removed along with the extra skin and a new one was created.  Sadly this new one isn’t near as cute…  but hey… what can you do.  God didn’t make this one… a person did.  And you can’t ask for perfection from a person. LOL  All I know is I remain incredibly happy with how my tummy tuck turned out.  Having a vertical and horizontal tuck was a great option. It gave me that curve that I wanted (hour glass shape) and as flat of a tummy as I could get.  There is still a small “pooch” because they can only remove so much… but really… who gives a crap?  I mean I had a bunch of skin hanging over and now I don’t.  That is the whole point!  I would say that I am still very happy with these results even a few years later.  

Last Surgical Check-Up + Pic!

Final check up on my left breast was today.  The Ryan Procedure is now 3 months behind me… and I look and feel GREAT!  According to my surgeon, Dr. Momoh...I can go back to all my regular activities now.  Of course… James still wants me to err on the safe said and not do too much heavy lifting.  But that’s ok… that just means I get spoiled a while longer. LOL!

I am so pleased with these results. I can not even tell you how much more confident I feel now about my chest and especially having James see them.  Even my cleavage looks much better!  What a huge relief I feel. I am so thankful that I found a good surgeon who had a good plan of action for me.  I took a quick picture while in the doctor's office so you could see the progress of the incision and all that… healing up so nicely!!

2nd Post-Op Appt + Random Thoughts

I had my second post surgery check up a few days ago.  Everything went great and I was so happy that my surgeon was just as pleased with how things looked as I am.  He said I can resume my regular activities, including exercise, etc.  James and I are of course very cautious however when it comes to lifting things since I have had so many problems in the past… so although I am doing a lot of things like cooking, cleaning, etc… James still doesn’t want me to lift things that are very heavy.  I am sticking to the weight of about a gallon of milk.  That seems to be just right.

My surgeon also asked me how the pain levels were for me after surgery and I told him that it was so tolerable that I was pleasantly surprised.  He had told me it was going to hurt so badly that I was expecting some horrible amount of pain and he said that it can be so hard to judge how each person will handle a surgery like that.  I have decided that I am just a bad ass… and can handle pain like a champ. Lol

Now that everything looks awesome I just feel so much better about my body.  My left breast is no longer totally different looking than the right.  I don’t feel awkward or uncomfortable when James looks at it.  That isn’t to say that I love everything about my body.  The fact is I am a girl… and every girl has something that she doesn’t like.  I don’t blame the media for this like so many people do...because simply put the media only shows us what it knows we want to see.  For centuries women have been trying to look “perfect”.   You can look all the way back to the Renaissance Period and even then we had women who tried to be as skinny as possible by wearing corsets.  As much as “we” all want to say that every size is beautiful… we also mock people who we deem bigger… we make fun of them, cringe at them, judge the clothes they wear, etc.  

Women are constantly judging each other no matter what their size and the media knows we do this… they know we want to see some form of perfect beauty… so they show us that.  They show us what we want to see… it fuels our desire to look more perfect.  Causes it?  No, I don’t think so… but fuels it?  Most certainly.  But again, I don’t blame them… they are just showing us all what we want to see.  And I can admit it… I can admit that I prefer to look at “beautiful” people when I watch shows.  Or when I see a magazine.   So what does that mean for when I look at myself?  I see someone healthy…. Finally.  I also see someone who looks pretty sexy all things considered.  But I also see imperfections.  I see saggy inner thighs that I would love to have fixed.  It’s just what happens when you have weight loss like that.  I also see a very flat and saggy butt… for the same reason.  

There is always something.  Always.  But in the end I am still really happy.  I am so happy that I choose to get healthy.  I can walk long distances, climb hills, ride my bike, and even run if I want.  I can fit into clothes from the regular rack...I feel confident, beautiful, sexy, and alive!!  All of this is so great and I wouldn’t change it for the world.  I am so happy that I opted to have weight loss surgery.  It was truly a life changing experience and all for the good.