I Don't Get It...

I am officially able to wear most size large shirts now. I can not express what a good feeling that is. I have lost 85 pounds and continue to lose weight at a good pace. I am still eating right and never plan to stop doing so. I am astonished when I hear stories of people who went through all the trouble of having this surgery done only to revert back to old habits later and gain most or all of the weight back. I simply don’t get it. Although I am sure for some people there are other medical reasons involved, there have been some stories that I have heard of people just slacking off, going back to old habits, and essentially making this whole huge process end up being pointless. Why would you want to go through this just to have it all come back on? I don’t know...but what I do know is that will not be me! I plan on eating this way for the rest of my life, maintaining this lifestyle, and living a healthy and active life. I have worked too hard to let it all slip out of my hand.

I feel cute! Of course my husband has always said I was beautiful and pretty and somehow even sexy, but now I am starting to actually believe those things myself. Now when I look at pictures of myself I like what I see...I look in the mirror and smile at the person in the reflection. I hope that I never lose the memories of how all of this feels, it would be a shame years later to take it all for granted.

Big Girl Mentality

I have noticed that one of the harder things to do when you are losing weight is to start changing the way you think of yourself and view yourself. I have the “big girl mentality” and it is a habit that I have had for so long, I hardly even know how to begin to break it. There are so many things that I just did a certain way simply because my size required it. For instance...I always made sure I parked in a spot that gave me ample room to get in and out of my vehicle with ease. Being a girl means I need way more room to maneuver. Sometimes I would park and have a lot of space to get out only to find that while I was gone someone parked next to me and gave me hardly any space to get back in. For the average sized person that amount of space would be fine...just not me. Now when I park and I think to myself that I need more room, I have to pause and really evaluate it...I have to realize that what I am thinking is in regards to the “old” me, and the new thinner me does not have to worry about that so much. I can get in and out just fine now with an average amount of space. It is just so hard to make this new way of thinking a habit...I have to keep reminding myself.

It’s the same way with buying clothes. I shop for shirts in the regular section now with all the other girls and even though I can fit into a size large now I can’t help but look at the shirt and tell myself that there is no way that it will fit...that shirt is way too small for me! lol Or sometimes it is something as simple as walking up a hill. I used to dread it...totally dread it since I knew that it would mean I would be near death (or feel like I was at least), but now I have to remind myself that even though it isn’t easy yet...it certainly is MUCH easier then it was. And of course the more weight I lose, the easier and easier it is going to get.

My inner monologue has to be changed as well. The things I say to myself about how I look need to change. Not just because my body is improving but also because it simply isn’t healthy to constantly be saying negative things about myself. I can’t think to myself that I am disgusting looking...or fat...or unattractive, I need to change my perceptions...I need to start viewing myself the same way that I know God does. Beautiful.

Anyway...so those were some thoughts that I had today.... :)

Update!

I have now lost 82 pounds! It feels so great! Summer is fast approaching and I can not wait to put on my swimsuit and feel confident while being out and about in it. I am doing really well with getting all my protein in still...and also with my liquids. Hard to believe that it has only been about 7 months since my surgery. It is crazy to think of how much weight I will have lost by the time a year comes around. Around the year mark the weight will stop coming off and I will be done with that chapter, and on to the next one...maintaining the weight. It's going to be just as hard and I have to be just as determined...and I know I can do it! I never want to go back to where I was. I want to stay healthy, feeling good about how I look...and having the confidence that I now have. What a life changing experience this has all been. :)

Swimsuit Purchased!!

Got my new swimsuit!!! It's a two piece tank top type and covers me really well. It has a great wire support for my breasts and the skirt is attached to the bottoms and hides my problem areas perfectly. I LOVE IT! I almost cried when I put it on, I have not liked how I looked in a swimsuit in 10+ years....I am SO happy.

Swimsuit Shopping!

This week I am going to start shopping for swimsuits. I am very nervous about this. For one because it will be the first time for me shopping after all of this significant weight loss (and I am still not done yet!) and two...well, I am worried about finding a swimsuit that looks right. Obviously the weight loss will make me look better then I would have last summer, but still...trying to find a swimsuit that will compliment me well is going to be hard. I am not done losing weight yet, and my tummy tuck and breast lift won’t happen until around January or February. My main concern is my breasts. Obviously with the weight loss they are not near as “perky” as they used to be and I know that finding a swimsuit that makes them look nice is going to be hard. I don’t know of many swimsuit tops that come with a wire bra inside. lol

I am going to shop with a friend though and try to find something nice. I want to make sure that whatever I pick out has either a skirt attached or that I buy some swim shorts to go with it. My inner thighs are not too smoking hot either anymore so I for sure need that. ugh...hopefully I can find something....I want this to be fun...with the weight loss it should be...but I guess that in the end there is a reason why every woman hates swimsuit shopping. lol I am going to try to be happy though....this is the best I have looked in 10 years...so either way I am going to look way better in this swimsuit then I ever have before. Wish me luck!