Reconstructive Surgery

I have made my appointment at the Barix Clinic for my consultation with Dr. Dinick about having my tummy tuck done and my breast lift.  I am SO excited.  I have watched a few videos online that show the procedure and it looks INTENSE!  I am going to be in so much pain, I am predicting, from what I saw, way more pain than my c-sections.  And if I end up having the breast lift at the same time that will just make it even worse!  I haven’t watched a video on that surgery yet...I need to find one.  But despite the pain I am sure to be in I am very excited.  I can not wait for the end results!  I am so beyond anxious to have, for the first time in what seems like forever, to have a flat stomach, and perky breasts.  I don’t even know what it means to have a flat stomach...I don’t even know what emotions I will have.

I imagine that I will cry...cry and cry and cry with joy.  I feel like that has to be what I will do because even thinking about it now makes me emotional.  I don’t know how to be someone with a body shape like that.  Does that sound strange?  Maybe it does if you are someone who has never been bigger, who has never looked at themselves in the mirror and loathed what they saw...but since I am that person (although those feels are becoming less and less thank the Lord) the mere thought of having the type of stomach I have only ever dreamed of is...well...it’s unimaginable!!  

And then there is the breast lift...perky breasts again!!!   I have not had perky breasts since I had my son...it has been so long and to think that I will be able to look in the mirror and see them looking a whole new way is crazy!  OH, and even crazier is that it is possible I might be able to get implants as well if the doctor (and I) think they are needed to help them look full again.  It is crazy how much of your breasts you can lose when you lose weight.  I had no idea it would be so drastic.  Not to mention it makes them look...deflated is the only word I can think of.  They just look like a deflated balloon.  YUCK!  lol  Anyway, the consultation is on October 20th and I will be taking lots of notes and hopefully scheduling my appointment for the actual surgeries.  I will of course write again after the appointment.  :)

OUCH!!

The gym was killer today. OUCH! Gonna have sore muscles all over later I am sure. BUT, I did it, and I know it will get easier.   Trying to work up to running two miles straight without stopping still.  I am getting there but man oh man is it tough.  Also working on my stomach muscles now and arms, trying to tighten up everything.   I am sure this will help my abs get back in shape quicker too after I have the tummy tuck done.  Anything to help the healing process happen quicker is a good thing I assume.  lol

Of course the hard part is still trying to get the motivation to go.   I have a friend joining me though now and that has really helped.  Now I am not just relying upon myself anymore...someone else is counting on me too.  ALSO, when they person is still going strong and running just a little farther than I am it gives me that silent motivation I need to push myself a little further than normal.  All good stuff!  

Gym Update

GREAT work out at the gym.  Went to the gym with a friend today who just joined and having her there with me made me push myself harder than I normally would have and I beat my previous record.  Today I did the two miles in 28 minutes....5 minutes faster than last time.  YAY!!  It was hard though....I'm not gonna lie.  lol  We also did some extra exercises afterward...worked on our core...which I quickly discovered I do not currently have any of.  lol  Looking forward to challenging myself further and reaching new goals!!!  :)

P.S.  Who ever said that working out energizes you was LYING!!  lol  I am always exhausted after.

Out on a Limb!

James just put himself out on a limb to have a talk with me about some of the things he has seen me eating recently.  Not that I have been eating more than I should be...or eating bad things necessarily...but he has just observed that when I do have a little snack after I have already gotten all of my protein in for the day I tend  to go for the foods that are not the best health wise choice.  For example...crackers.  I have been loving crackers as a quick and easy snacks because it’s nothing that I have to cook...or prepare.  I just grab the box and can have a handful and be done.  That is lazy!!  Pure laziness on my part and the start of a bad habit developing that I refuse to allow.  So...no more being lazy and grabbing whatever is quick.  I am going to have to take more time and actually cook things up.  

I am so done with bad habits and I am so happy that even though James was nervous bringing this up to me, he did.  He was worried that I would take an offense to him trying to tell me what to do in regards to eating and that I wouldn’t take the suggestion to heart because in previous instances (before surgery) when he would try to suggest what I should and should not eat I would get upset, and basically tell him to mind his own business.  lol  No more of that though!  I need people who will keep me in check...I need people who are willing to tell me if they see me slipping up, or possibly creating habits that are not the best.  That is how you stay successful at weight loss...that is how you make it permanent!

Was this really me????

It's hard to believe that one year ago this was what I looked like.  I feel like a totally different person now.  I feel confident, healthy, energetic, and beautiful with over 100 pounds gone.  I am so thankful that I made the decision to change my life for the better.  :)

Freedom!

I have been looking up lots of videos and pictures recently that show the procedure for a tummy tuck and also pictures of before and after for it and for a breast lift.  The images and videos are of course very graphic and scary but I think overall I am excited!  Despite how painful I know it will be, I can’t wait to have the end result that so many of the women in the pictures have.  

Today I was watching a very lengthy video on YouTube (90 minutes long!) about a 600 pound woman and her journey to freedom through gastric bypass surgery.  It literally is a freedom we are experiencing.  She of course was in a worse place than I was, was incredibly limited in her mobility and quality of life, but the feeling of being “free”, free from what I can only describe as a “fat prison”, is hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been there themselves.  There are things that you risk changing in your life that maybe you didn’t want to have change...or at least, were not anticipating that come along with all the wonderful good things that change.

For this woman it was her marriage.  She had gone from having a husband who took care of her, him feeling needed and wanted and feeling like this was his job in life, to take care of this woman he loved...to suddenly she is getting thinner, healthy, able to go out and work, meet people, socialize again...and for him, it was scary.  He started to think she would leave him...and many other issues came forth out of that.  I guess it’s something that I hadn’t really considered until watching the video...it isn’t just you going through the weight loss journey and experiencing different feelings...your spouse is also in this...not experiencing the same emotions you are...but having new feelings about these changes in you.  

I feel so beyond blessed to have a husband who is supportive of me in every way, who cheers me on and wants what is best for my health...but most importantly I have a man who finds me sexy at any weight...he loves me, adores me...and is confident in us and our marriage.   He doesn’t feel worried that I will run off and try to find someone new, or that I will go out and start partying and acting inappropriate...he has a trust in me that can only come from God.  I am so thankful.  

There are lots of great changes that come with such a drastic amount of weight loss...but there can also be negatives...and I am glad that worrying about my husband is not one that I have to deal with.   :)

Feeling Confident!

It's so great to not only be feeling healthy but looking healthy too!  I love getting to buy fun cute clothes and actual feel like I look cute too!   This is me in my new knitted hat I got at the thrift store.  :)