Fat Girl Brain is BACK!

Trying to bounce back from those four pounds I gained is proving to be harder than I expected.  Not because I can’t do it but because “fat girl” brain is rearing it’s ugly head lately and man is it annoying. I keep giving myself excuses why it is ok to have a late night snack, or two...which is the kind of bad mentality that got me obese in the first place.  Why can’t the surgery fix our brains as well as our stomach size?  It’s so hard to fight against yourself.  My food addicted self really wants to eat just for fun...wants that snack just so I can taste it...even though logically I am well aware that I can eat that item tomorrow and it is no different.   I am doing really well today but yesterday I did horrible.  Luckily I am only 2 pounds away from being back at my goal weight that I have been maintaining the last year and a half.  That is a plus.  
It is also a HUGE plus that I have such a wonderful and supportive family.  Can you imagine being single AND alone and trying to monitor all this by yourself?  Talk about crazy hard.  If it were not for James being so supportive and even my kids...I don’t know what I would do!  My own daughter has even taken it upon herself to remind me that I should not be snacking when she sees me doing it.  I love her so much for it.  James asks me how I am doing often and  when he sees me grabbing food asks if I have the calories left for it.  It can drive me crazy sometimes….but I really appreciate it.  

While typing this I just had some dinner.  I still have 279 calories left for the day...so that is great. Maybe I will have a raisin English muffin later or some peaches.  That should hold me over.  If I can just keep this up for a solid week or two it won’t be a problem anymore.  It’s getting back in the habit that’s hard….once I am in it….I am fine.  Praying hard about it...just two more pounds to go.  I know it doesn't sound like a lot...but if I let myself be ok with that weight then it is easy to start being ok with putting on five pounds...then ten….then fifteen.  And yep...that’s how you get right back into being unhealthy and overweight.  NOT gonna let that happen again.  NEVER again.  

Post-Vacation Weight Gain

Happy New Year!  We arrived home from our holiday vacation in California late Saturday night and I have to admit I was very anxious to have the morning arrive so I could weigh myself and see how well/bad I did while in California with my eating.   I think it is always hard no matter what when you are on vacation because no matter how much you try you end up going out to eat and hanging out with friends at restaurants and of course it’s hard to count calories and monitor exactly what you are taking in.  

I was happy to discover though that I only gained 3.5 pounds….so that was awesome.  Easy to lose and I was proud of myself….I knew I didn't do great, but I did try hard to select low fat options when going out to eat and tried to have healthy snacks too.  It’s so rough and I must admit that having over a month off from working out was GREAT.  I really don’t miss it and would like to not do it at all...but I also know it’s good for me and I need to get back into the swing of it.  I start on Wednesday and still need to figure out exactly what type of workout my partner and I will be doing.  Can’t go outside and ride bikes yet...so something needs to be planned since the treadmills are gone...mine back at my parents house and hers broke.

Still putting lotion and creams on my scars regularly….it seems to be helping my scars more and I love how it smells anyway.  Still praying about my chest and that those scars continue to heal and that my left breast would continue to shape itself the same as the other one.  I know it’s not a big deal that they both look EXACTLY the same...but it would be nice.  I pray for acceptance on my part as well though and know that I am so fortunate just to have a chest that I like and that is full and perky….unlike what I had after all the weight loss...which was a bunch of flat nothingness.  lol   Anyway...that is the post-vacation update!  Welcome to 2015!