Happy to be WRONG!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I don’t think I have ever been so happy to be wrong before in my life.  My appointment went so great!!  My implant in my left breast is NOT out!!!   You have no idea how relieved I am.  The area I saw that looked so similar to when my implant was out is just me seeing the implant a bit because the muscle in my chest that covers my implant does not go all the way down.  But everything is still in place, the right shape, and healing up well.   I am so so so relieved...you have no idea.  

As for the pain I have been experiencing in my right top breast area that is the muscle.  I probably pulled it when I reached up and pushed that thumb tack in and now it just needs to heal.  I am supposed to massage it even though it hurts when I do it.  

As for that area in the middle of my chest, where the skin is doing a “tuck” thing where there should be nice cleavage, my surgeon admitted that it looks like that is his fault...he added a couple extra stitches when he obviously didn't need to.  Since that is a quick 20 minute procedure where he simply takes those out and lets the skin relax he is going to get me in for that before I leave for my road-trip to California on June 20th.  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I will have good looking cleavage for swimsuit wearing.    

I can not even tell you how excited I am.  I got in the car in the parking lot of the hospital and started crying tears of joy.   I was so scared and worried, I don’t think I realized just how much I did NOT want to go through another extensive procedure.   Praise God for answered prayers.  I feel so happy. I should be getting a call soon about what day I am going in for that quick fix and I can NOT WAIT!!!    

DAMN IT!!!! AGAIN!!!!!

Wanted to quickly share that I am 90% positive my left implant is back out again. Agh!!!!!!!!!! I don't think this is my docs fault.... or mine. I think my breast just doesn't have the tissue needed to support this well. They have been through so much. I have my appt this Saturday. To say

I'm upset is an understatement. I have been suspecting this for a few days. I think it will need that fake skin. .. the Alloderm...that goes over the stitches on the inside....to make this work. I'm so upset.

The only positive thing is that I will have already met my deductible and our out of pocket expenses, so it should be damn near all covered when I go back in..... AGAIN!!!! Why is this happening? I just don't get it. It's like my breast just rejects the f'n implants or something. UGH!!!

When I do have surgery it will be after our trip to CA...there is just no way around that.  I have to be able to drive comfortably and I want to be able to swim as well.  Damn it....I am just so mad.  I will know more of course after my appointment but I am really positive it is out.  When I lift my left arm you can totally see it underneath, just like before...thankfully...so far, the right one seems to be ok.   :/

Chest Bone Uncertainty

My appointment/check up on the 31st can not come soon enough.  I have more than a few questions and one concern.  The concern is in relation to a pain (moderately painful)
I am having on what I think is either the bone that goes down the middle of my chest or it might be the spot where one of my ribs start right next to that chest bone.  Either way all I know is that when I move a certain way, or when that bone is even a little pushed on it really hurts.  I can only imagine that with all the massaging I was doing to that area to help the swelling go down I possibly bruised the bone….can that even happen?  I have no idea.  I am no longer massaging it though since I don’t want to make the area more sore.  I am pain free right now except for that.  

Luckily, that pain has nothing to do with my implants as far as I can tell...but I am wondering if maybe the pain is in relation to the surgery somehow, or like I suspect, related to the massaging.  Hard to know really.   But I am anxious to find out and have it get better.  The other questions I have for my surgeon are just about the way one breast feels in a particular area versus the other one….stuff like that.  All things that will be easy answers for him but that I have no clue about.  

In non boobie related news, still maintaining my weight, eating well, and exercising 3 days a week.  Of course right now the exercise is limited to walking on the treadmill or outside, but something is better than nothing.  I feel good about just being able to any form of a workout at this point.  

Still weighing myself everyday to keep a close tab on how I am doing.  I bounce between 153 pounds and 154 pounds.  Not bad.  It’s where the docs want me to stay anyway so that is fine.  I was using the My Fitness Pal app pretty religiously but it has been almost a month of not using as of late.   I seem to be doing ok without it though...I think I know by heart which foods are how much fat and how much of them to eat per day.  The only time I really need it is when I am at a restaurant and need to know how much fat is in their food.   Which of course...is usually too much anyway.  lol

I am DUMB!!!!!!!

Well...sometimes I just feel like I must be the dumbest person around.  Yesterday I was helping Isaiah hang up a large poster in his room and since I am taller than he is I was reaching up and trying to push in a thumb tack.  Not realizing that it would be hurt, I pushed it in.  It did hurt.  And then my dumb ass decided to push one more in for good measure.  ugh.  All I can do is shake my head at myself really because after the first one I should have just stopped.   The entire rest of the day I was hurting, not terribly, but hurting, and this morning, after a long nights sleep, I thought I would feel fine but I am still sore.  Just 30 seconds ago while typing this I received a    sharp pain that really hurt.   :(

Of course I can’t help but be worried that I injured myself.  James thinks I will be fine, he feels like I just stretched and pulled on the incisions and now they are really sore, but everything looks fine still and I didn't hear anything to indicate that stitches may have popped.  But I continue to worry anyway and considering that I am continuing to get sharp pains right now it is hard not to.  

Why am I so dumb?   I mean really have I not learned any lessons at all?  It’s so hard to just do nothing at all….I feel so useless and like a burden to everyone.  James reassures me that I shouldn't feel that way and that everyone wants to help to make sure I heal up properly this time...but man it’s rough.  Planning on relaxing a lot today...maybe just do my Bible study a bunch.   

Speaking of the Bible...if you are reading this and you are a praying person please pray for me to have self control, and to be humble, and to ask for help when I need it.  I obviously need the extra help and I know that it can only come from God at this point.   Thanks!

2 Weeks!

Today is my two week mark...I am officially allowed to drive today.  Sadly I don’t think I will be doing very much driving just yet.   I still get pretty sore just doing regular daily activities so James and I agreed that my driving should be limited for another 2-3 weeks.   Just go places that are totally necessary and try to still have others drive me places if I can.  The less I am doing the better.  

The swelling is going down and things are looking a lot better.  The glue that is holding the stitches together is starting to come off (as it should) and the shape of the breast is looking a lot more like normal.   The daily pain I am experiencing is also greatly improved.   It isn't until the end of the day that I get really sore and of course that all depends on how much activity I had.  

One thing I am starting to consider is buying a special pillow that allows women with breast implants to comfortably sleep on their stomachs.  I have not slept on my stomach in over a year and I can not even tell you how much I miss it.  I am beyond sick and tired of sleeping on my back.  I saw an advertisement for one and I plan on looking them up and seeing how expensive they are.  I feel like this would greatly improve my sleep.  

So anyway….that is the update for now.  Will write again soon with another update.  :)

1st Check Up

So....my appointment went really well....sadly even the little things I thought I could do...I can't.   I tried today to be helpful before the Wildtree party and was wiping counters and dusting...I got sore from that and then at my appointment when I brought it up my doc said that even that arm movement works the chest muscles....so I can't do that either.  I have another couple weeks of nothingness.  Even once I can drive...I shouldn't do it much...and my arms should stay low for about another 4 weeks.  Other than that though all is well....still swollen....so that will go down.  He thinks it all looks good and I just need to keep doing what I am doing....which is sit on my butt.   Very frustrating....but I know it is worth it and will guarantee my proper healing.