Driving the MiniVan

The road trip we take to California each year is fast approaching. We leave in four more days! YIKES!  lol  I gave back my parents small car that they had been letting me use and began driving my minivan once again to make sure I got used to it.  I am SO SO glad that they let me use their smaller/easier to drive car after my surgery because it obviously made all the difference.  Now when I drive my minivan I it doesn't hurt at all.  At first it was just too painful to pull that big steering wheel like I had to...but with the smaller car it was so much easier and it enabled my muscles to heal up so much faster.  Now I can drive the van easily and I feel confident that I will have no problems at all driving to California.  SO thankful.  :)  

Still healing up really well and getting in some light exercise too.  Going on bike rides (not going fast though, just cruising along) and taking walks to keep myself active.  I can tell it is helping me heal and stay in shape and I hope I find some time to do the same while I am in California too.  I just wish we could bring all our bikes with us there, but that just isn't going to happen.  Anyway...so healing up well...staying active...and just enjoying life in general.  I call that SUCCESS!!  :)  

Everything Went Well.....

Well my procedure was in  the morning...bright and early in fact.  I had to be there at 6am which although made me happy to get in and out early, I was of course unhappy to wake up so soon. Everything went really well though and although I am currently experiencing some pain it is very very minor and I didn’t even bother having my surgeon write a prescription for pain pills.  I never take them anyway so what is the point?  The cleavage area that he fixed looks way better than it did.  Slightly swollen right now, I can feel the water under the skin from it but I suspect that in less than two weeks that will be gone.  Also by then the wound itself should look much better and I think I will be comfortable in a swimsuit.  That is of course kinda important to me right now since in 9 days I leave for our trip to California and I will want to be able to at least tan and sit in the pool.  I can’t actually do any real swimming of course...that would be painful...but I can relax in the pool and I am fine with that.  

I will take a pic and post it on here as soon as I can.  I want to try to wait until the scar isn’t so fresh because I think if any of you saw it right now you would think it wasn’t actually looking that great. lol But I swear it is and I feel really pleased.  My implants are still in place and so as long as I continue to be careful my breasts should continue to heal up and I shouldn’t need any more surgeries.   Crossing my fingers for that big time (And praying) because I am just so done with getting put under anesthesia.  

One of my big problems with it is that every time I have surgery and I am put under anesthesia the next while I can’t sleep good.  I had just started sleeping well again a few weeks ago after the last procedure and now here I am, after this one and I went to bed and woke up at 2am...unable to get back to sleep.  I have tried almost everything too.  It’s very annoying and I don’t know why it affects me like this.  So far tonight I have had 3 hours of sleep.  I am for sure going to need a nap.  I hope this one doesn’t last too long, it is very annoying and will do me zero good when we drive to California.  I need to be able to sleep as much as possible then.  I feel like I should maybe start taking a bit of Melatonin at night, that could possibly help me stay asleep.  Think I will do that tonight.  

Anyway, so that is the basic update for now.  Still healing up well...still maintaining my weight...and really just feeling good in general.  Crazy how much this whole weight loss adventure has improved my life.  Yah I have had to go through a ton of reconstructive surgeries...but man oh man has it been worth it.  I feel younger, healthier, and happier.  You can’t put a price tag on that.   

Set Date!

Received the phone call today from my surgeons assistant that I am having that quick fix done on my cleavage on June 10th.   Prep time+surgery+recovery should be about an hour altogether, maybe 90 minutes.   Can’t wait to have good looking cleavage again and feel good in my swimsuit.  :)  James is going to work from home that day so he can take me to the hospital and bring me home.  Very glad he will be able to join me for this one as he has been unable to for the last few.  I will know what time I have to arrive some time this week when the hospital calls and lets me know.  Hoping it is in the morning so I can get it done and get home.  :)

Happy to be WRONG!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I don’t think I have ever been so happy to be wrong before in my life.  My appointment went so great!!  My implant in my left breast is NOT out!!!   You have no idea how relieved I am.  The area I saw that looked so similar to when my implant was out is just me seeing the implant a bit because the muscle in my chest that covers my implant does not go all the way down.  But everything is still in place, the right shape, and healing up well.   I am so so so relieved...you have no idea.  

As for the pain I have been experiencing in my right top breast area that is the muscle.  I probably pulled it when I reached up and pushed that thumb tack in and now it just needs to heal.  I am supposed to massage it even though it hurts when I do it.  

As for that area in the middle of my chest, where the skin is doing a “tuck” thing where there should be nice cleavage, my surgeon admitted that it looks like that is his fault...he added a couple extra stitches when he obviously didn't need to.  Since that is a quick 20 minute procedure where he simply takes those out and lets the skin relax he is going to get me in for that before I leave for my road-trip to California on June 20th.  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I will have good looking cleavage for swimsuit wearing.    

I can not even tell you how excited I am.  I got in the car in the parking lot of the hospital and started crying tears of joy.   I was so scared and worried, I don’t think I realized just how much I did NOT want to go through another extensive procedure.   Praise God for answered prayers.  I feel so happy. I should be getting a call soon about what day I am going in for that quick fix and I can NOT WAIT!!!    

DAMN IT!!!! AGAIN!!!!!

Wanted to quickly share that I am 90% positive my left implant is back out again. Agh!!!!!!!!!! I don't think this is my docs fault.... or mine. I think my breast just doesn't have the tissue needed to support this well. They have been through so much. I have my appt this Saturday. To say

I'm upset is an understatement. I have been suspecting this for a few days. I think it will need that fake skin. .. the Alloderm...that goes over the stitches on the inside....to make this work. I'm so upset.

The only positive thing is that I will have already met my deductible and our out of pocket expenses, so it should be damn near all covered when I go back in..... AGAIN!!!! Why is this happening? I just don't get it. It's like my breast just rejects the f'n implants or something. UGH!!!

When I do have surgery it will be after our trip to CA...there is just no way around that.  I have to be able to drive comfortably and I want to be able to swim as well.  Damn it....I am just so mad.  I will know more of course after my appointment but I am really positive it is out.  When I lift my left arm you can totally see it underneath, just like before...thankfully...so far, the right one seems to be ok.   :/

Chest Bone Uncertainty

My appointment/check up on the 31st can not come soon enough.  I have more than a few questions and one concern.  The concern is in relation to a pain (moderately painful)
I am having on what I think is either the bone that goes down the middle of my chest or it might be the spot where one of my ribs start right next to that chest bone.  Either way all I know is that when I move a certain way, or when that bone is even a little pushed on it really hurts.  I can only imagine that with all the massaging I was doing to that area to help the swelling go down I possibly bruised the bone….can that even happen?  I have no idea.  I am no longer massaging it though since I don’t want to make the area more sore.  I am pain free right now except for that.  

Luckily, that pain has nothing to do with my implants as far as I can tell...but I am wondering if maybe the pain is in relation to the surgery somehow, or like I suspect, related to the massaging.  Hard to know really.   But I am anxious to find out and have it get better.  The other questions I have for my surgeon are just about the way one breast feels in a particular area versus the other one….stuff like that.  All things that will be easy answers for him but that I have no clue about.  

In non boobie related news, still maintaining my weight, eating well, and exercising 3 days a week.  Of course right now the exercise is limited to walking on the treadmill or outside, but something is better than nothing.  I feel good about just being able to any form of a workout at this point.  

Still weighing myself everyday to keep a close tab on how I am doing.  I bounce between 153 pounds and 154 pounds.  Not bad.  It’s where the docs want me to stay anyway so that is fine.  I was using the My Fitness Pal app pretty religiously but it has been almost a month of not using as of late.   I seem to be doing ok without it though...I think I know by heart which foods are how much fat and how much of them to eat per day.  The only time I really need it is when I am at a restaurant and need to know how much fat is in their food.   Which of course...is usually too much anyway.  lol

I am DUMB!!!!!!!

Well...sometimes I just feel like I must be the dumbest person around.  Yesterday I was helping Isaiah hang up a large poster in his room and since I am taller than he is I was reaching up and trying to push in a thumb tack.  Not realizing that it would be hurt, I pushed it in.  It did hurt.  And then my dumb ass decided to push one more in for good measure.  ugh.  All I can do is shake my head at myself really because after the first one I should have just stopped.   The entire rest of the day I was hurting, not terribly, but hurting, and this morning, after a long nights sleep, I thought I would feel fine but I am still sore.  Just 30 seconds ago while typing this I received a    sharp pain that really hurt.   :(

Of course I can’t help but be worried that I injured myself.  James thinks I will be fine, he feels like I just stretched and pulled on the incisions and now they are really sore, but everything looks fine still and I didn't hear anything to indicate that stitches may have popped.  But I continue to worry anyway and considering that I am continuing to get sharp pains right now it is hard not to.  

Why am I so dumb?   I mean really have I not learned any lessons at all?  It’s so hard to just do nothing at all….I feel so useless and like a burden to everyone.  James reassures me that I shouldn't feel that way and that everyone wants to help to make sure I heal up properly this time...but man it’s rough.  Planning on relaxing a lot today...maybe just do my Bible study a bunch.   

Speaking of the Bible...if you are reading this and you are a praying person please pray for me to have self control, and to be humble, and to ask for help when I need it.  I obviously need the extra help and I know that it can only come from God at this point.   Thanks!