4 Year Check Up

I had my 4 year check up at the Barix Clinic about a week ago.  It went really well and everyone is pleased with my progress/consistency.  Although the 5 pounds weight gain that I am currently experiencing and trying to lose was mentioned, mostly by me, but also acknowledged by the doctor, everyone seemed unconcerned and said that I know how to lose it, so I just need to do it!!  And they are right.  I have said it before in previous posts and I will say it again… I hate how although surgery can help you lose weight, it can’t change how you think about food.  And how I think is that I want to snack ALL the time and so I end up using up all my calories during the day when I am home alone and then at night when I am up late I get hungry and want to snack. ugh.  Literally a vicious cycle I do to myself.  Willpower/self control is a hard thing for me to master.  I am doing better each day right now… and have lost two pounds of the weight gained as of two days ago.  I am currently not weighing myself everyday as I normally would because I was getting too down on myself each time it wasn’t a number I liked.  In an effort to not cave into my own pressure I had James hide the scale. lol  

Honesty…. with that word in mind I will share that I am mad at myself for being weaker than I want to be… I am frustrated, slightly disappointed, but also determined, and thankful.  Mad because I know better than to get off course with my calories in the first place (especially since this bad trend started in the summer during our vacation months and I have been saying over and over again how I am going to get this under control), frustrated that it is so hard to break the bad habits and get back into the good ones, disappointed that it is taking me so long and that it seems harder and harder each time I slip up, determined because I know my goals and I KNOW I can reach them.  They are literally right in front of my face… and I just need to grab on and hold tight to them, and thankful because as always I have such an amazing support system.  How anyone can lose weight on their own without any help/support from a spouse/loved one/friend is beyond my comprehension.  

In other news… Halloween has come and gone and I am so happy that sugar is no longer in my diet.  Not only can I not eat more than one little teeny tiny piece, I can’t have more than that within an hours time without getting sick… so it basically keeps me away from it and I couldn’t be happier.  This time of year is plagued with sugary sweets and it used to be that saying no to them was an impossibility for me.  Glad that saying no is so easy now.  whew!  

I am taking my regular vitamins still, and have added on calcium and vitamin B.  My nutritionist wants me to take those to boost any deficiencies I might have.   I didn’t have the paperwork at the time of my visit to do the bloodwork but I have it now and will do that soon.  Taking those should help guarantee that everything comes back great.  Now what seems to really be hard is just remembering to take them every day.  For some reason I have a really easy time forgetting… so I have put them in my bathroom so I can just take them before I go to bed, since I shower every night anyway.  :)  

So… that is all for now… hopefully the next time I write it will be to tell you that I reached my gial weight once again! lol

Matthew 19:26 

“But Jesus looked at them and said to them, ‘With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’”

Damn You Snacking

Sometimes it is a serious struggle to not snack after I have used all my calories up for the day.  No joke.  It's like I am having an argument in my head back and worth about whether or not I should.  At an appt right now but after this I'm going to the movies with James.  I really struggled with not bringing a snack.  I used all my calories up with dinner.... so I shouldn't.  It was like that image of the little angel and devil on my shoulder arguing back and forth.  I did good though.  Didn't bring a snack.  Staying strong.  Gonna lose these extra 6-7 pounds I put on. If I stick to the plan I will.... but man once you break your good habit it's so hard to get it back.  Ugh.  Keeping the faith though.... I got this baby!!! 

U.O.M.

Made a phone call today to U.O.M. Hospital and set up a consultation appt with a plastic surgeon. It turned out that because I have had so many surgeries before on my breast that in order to fix it now I will have to see a specialist of sorts. The lady I first called at another place basically told me that I should just call U.O.M right away since odds are that is where I would have to go anyway... so.... I did and have my consultation set for October 30th. I hope that this surgeon can help fix the problem. I get the impression that because I most likely have very little breast tissue left in the left breast they will have to do some extreme measures to get things looking right. If you are unfamiliar with what is wrong with it, and are curious... you can read this blog (link provided) and read about what is going on.  


http://ecm1980.blogspot.com/2015/04/vegasfebruary.html

Sex Talk and Other Musings

Well… it has been a long while since I wrote a blog.  Things are going quite well and I am excited that in just over 2 months I will be celebrating my 4 year surgery anniversary.  How has time flown by that fast?  Seems crazy.  As usual maintaining my goal weight (153 pounds) continues to be something I have to work hard at.  Even slipping up for a few days can make me gain weight so really it’s all about constant vigilance.  My trip to California for 3 weeks went great.  I ate right and followed closely to my calorie goals.  However my trip to Florida a couple weeks ago was not as successful since we went out to eat  A LOT!! lol  I am currently 4 pounds above my goal weight and I know I can get rid of it easy. It is just frustrating when it happens.  BUT, I am so thankful that I have my supportive husband and family by my side to help me.  

Evelyn continues to be a rock when I need her.  Asking me if I have the calories left for the food I am eating.  James as well. I would like to say Isaiah does the same thing but the fact is that he isn’t as observant of me. lol  Nonetheless I am back to watching what I am taking in and suspect I will be back at my goal weight in 3-5 days.  So that is a plus.  

On a slight negative, I am really getting anxious for February to get here so I can go find a new doc and HOPEFULLY schedule a surgery to fix my left breast.  I am sick of looking at it like this and just really want it to look like the other.  (for info on what is wrong with it you can read this blog: http://ecm1980.blogspot.com/2015/04/vegasfebruary.html)  And with the amount of money I have spent on these things I should expect them to be damn perfect!  ugh.  Anyway… it’s just annoying….it’s distracting…. especially during sexually intimate moments.  

Speaking of sex…. I don’t know if I have ever mentioned this before… and this is STRICTLY my own opinion ( I know many people think the total opposite of me and that is fine too), but skinny sex is WAY better than heavy girl sex.  Why have I never mentioned that before? Not sure.  Guess it never popped into my head while I was typing one of these, but the fact remains that I feel so much better being intimate while slender than I EVER have while heavy.  I feel confident, sexy, beautiful, desired (Not that James didn’t desire me before, he did.), flexible (Woohoo!!), and not disgusted to look/glance at myself during sex either.  Like I said, I am only speaking for me… plenty of ladies and men have zero problem with being heavier and feeling confident and sexy.  I simply didn’t.  I can’t even tell you how many times I would cry and simply be down right sad because I couldn’t stand the look of myself, let alone want James to look at me.  When I tell you that this surgery has helped me in more ways than I can count, I am telling you the 100% truth.  My whole way of life has changed.  Which is just one more reason why maintaining my weight, eating right, and staying hydrated is so important.  I will never go back to that unhealthy lifestyle again.  

So anyway…. that is where things stand right now, doing well… exercising 3 days a week still, and trying my best to overcome bad snacking habits.  Because let’s face it, snacking is what does most of us in right?  lol  

Vegas Success!!

So my trip to Las Vegas was wonderful...and even though I was worried about how the eating would go, I did really well.  I counted all my calories and made really smart choices...and couple that with all the walking I did not only did I maintain my weight but I actually LOST a pound.  :)  That made me so happy.  I feel so great about how well I am doing.  Going on vacation doesn’t have to mean over indulging and putting on 5 pounds, it means having fun and enjoying yourself all in a healthy manner.

So as of this morning I weigh in at 151.7.  So close to 150 pounds, I can almost taste it!!  I am sure that I will get there just a bit slower since I am no longer walking all over Las Vegas boulevard.  Twice while there I had breakfast at McDonald's.  They have a new egg white and ham McMuffin with white cheddar and it is only 250 ish calories.  That was perfect for me.  The other two days I had a veggie omelette at this sandwich place, and I forget what I ate the other day.  

Dinners were a bit easier because by then James was done with the conference stuff he was there for and I was able to share things with him.  Also the people putting on the conference would usually have food afterward for everyone.  Even though I didn’t have a tag on saying I was part of the conference no one seemed to question me being there when I was getting food...which was great!  I had some seafood which isn’t as fattening, and also some salad.

Eating healthy isn’t so much a problem in Las Vegas, what is hard is eating for cheap...or even semi cheap.  Everything is very expensive on the strip, and I suppose that is expected when you are in a travel destination.  I saw one place that said milkshakes were $9!!  Crazy I know...but really that is about the same price for one in San Francisco along Pier 39.  

So anyway….really pleased with my continued success and feel like with James’ help I will continue to be.  He is still taking my protein bars to work so I only have one a day, and I know if it wasn’t for that I would still be eating way too many.  Hopefully one day I will be way past wanting to have more than one a day and he can stop taking them to work for me. lol  

P.S.  Pictured below is one of the dinners I had, Adobo Chicken Tacos.  YUMMY!

Vegas/Water Balloon Boob

In a few days I am leaving for our trip to Las Vegas,Nevada.  I am so excited to be able to tag along with James on his work trip.  The hard of course will be managing my eating while away from  home. It’s hard to do when you are going out to eat for pretty much every meal...but I plan on being very diligent about looking things up and eating the lowest fat options that the restaurants will provide.  If that means having a bunch of plain salads then so be it.  I don’t care.  I am determined to continue in my good habits that I finally am solid in again.  

PLUS, I have not only reached my goal of 153 pounds but am actually still going down some and I am now at 152 pounds.  I would love to hit an even 150 pounds so I am working towards that next goal.  Still exercising 3 days a week and I figure even though I will end up missing those exercise days while in Vegas I will still be walking a TON, so I think I will be burning calories no matter what.

Lifting things that weigh more is getting a little bit easier.  I am almost at the year mark and although I still can tell if I have overdone it, I am able to lift more without hurting myself now and that feels great. We are anxious for February of next year to come around because that is when we plan on going to get a second opinion on my left breast.  I really wish I could post a picture of how it looks...but the best I can do is tell you to picture a water balloon...and then picture that you took a piece of yarn and tied it around that water balloon...not crazy tight mind you, just slightly snug so that it has that look of two parts are happening….and you can feel the two parts of the balloon.  That is how my left breast looks and feels.  The implant is in place...but for some reason it just doesn't look right.  My surgeon says that there is nothing that can be done about this, but since he has had multiple opportunities to fix my breasts and I am still not fully satisfied...we are gonna get a second opinion.  

Why February?  Well for one it’s winter and no swimsuits will be worn.  Second, that is when James would normally get his big bonus, so we would have the money which is a huge plus.  
I really really hope this can be fixed.  It bothers me every time I look at it.  If it can’t be fixed, that’s gonna have to be ok.  It is still WAY better than the flat pancake breasts I had after the weight loss, and I will make myself deal with it and be thankful.  But I sure would like to have them fixed if I can.   

So anyway...lots of positives happening...I am being successful with my weight management and that feels awesome!!  I am so happy to be back into solid good habits.   Thank God!

GOAL REACHED!!!!..........now to maintain it.

Ok….so first of all...Happy Easter!!   

Second….hooray for reaching goals!!!  Yesterday I hit my goal of 153 pounds.  It felt so great to be back where I belong on the scale.  Back on track with my eating habits, having one protein bar a day and STILL hitting my protein goal, and feeling great about it all!!  The longer time goes by with me being diligent about my food intake the easier and easier it gets.  I am developing my old habits again and it is so wonderful.  I hate that I let myself stray away from them for a bit, but I am so glad that I was able to find my way back.  

I am noticing myself finding it easier to hold off on snacking and when I am hungry I am seeking out calorie free drinks, water, and low calorie/low fat snacks like fruit, or cottage cheese.  Even a slice of toast with jelly (no sugar added of course) is helpful.  I am still craving my protein bars but it is becoming less and less often and I feel like I am almost to the point where I will not crave them at all.  

Exercising is still going well.  Actively doing three days a week and I can tell it is playing a huge role in keeping my stomach muscles tight.  Even though my plastic surgeon tightened the muscles for me I still need to help maintain their strength and also build it up more.  I feel like I am doing a good job of it.  

The next three days will be a big test of how well I do eating while on vacation.  We are heading up to Canada for a trip to Niagara Falls with the kids and will of course be going out to eat for every meal.  It’s hard to calculate that stuff but I am going to try my best to eat the three meals...plus my protein bar...and make those meals as low fat and healthy as the restaurants we are at will enable me to do. My goal is to NOT gain weight while there.  I want to maintain.  

Another big test will be in 3 weeks...when James and I go to Las Vegas, just the two of us.   We will be gone 6 days!!  That is a lot of eating out...and it will be difficult.  I am hopeful that I will be able to find good options to eat, but it’s gonna be rough.  Hopefully I can find a grocery store or something and just buy myself some healthy snacks.  :)   

Wish me luck readers!!  I will need it.