Fat Girl Brain is BACK!

Trying to bounce back from those four pounds I gained is proving to be harder than I expected.  Not because I can’t do it but because “fat girl” brain is rearing it’s ugly head lately and man is it annoying. I keep giving myself excuses why it is ok to have a late night snack, or two...which is the kind of bad mentality that got me obese in the first place.  Why can’t the surgery fix our brains as well as our stomach size?  It’s so hard to fight against yourself.  My food addicted self really wants to eat just for fun...wants that snack just so I can taste it...even though logically I am well aware that I can eat that item tomorrow and it is no different.   I am doing really well today but yesterday I did horrible.  Luckily I am only 2 pounds away from being back at my goal weight that I have been maintaining the last year and a half.  That is a plus.  
It is also a HUGE plus that I have such a wonderful and supportive family.  Can you imagine being single AND alone and trying to monitor all this by yourself?  Talk about crazy hard.  If it were not for James being so supportive and even my kids...I don’t know what I would do!  My own daughter has even taken it upon herself to remind me that I should not be snacking when she sees me doing it.  I love her so much for it.  James asks me how I am doing often and  when he sees me grabbing food asks if I have the calories left for it.  It can drive me crazy sometimes….but I really appreciate it.  

While typing this I just had some dinner.  I still have 279 calories left for the day...so that is great. Maybe I will have a raisin English muffin later or some peaches.  That should hold me over.  If I can just keep this up for a solid week or two it won’t be a problem anymore.  It’s getting back in the habit that’s hard….once I am in it….I am fine.  Praying hard about it...just two more pounds to go.  I know it doesn't sound like a lot...but if I let myself be ok with that weight then it is easy to start being ok with putting on five pounds...then ten….then fifteen.  And yep...that’s how you get right back into being unhealthy and overweight.  NOT gonna let that happen again.  NEVER again.  

Post-Vacation Weight Gain

Happy New Year!  We arrived home from our holiday vacation in California late Saturday night and I have to admit I was very anxious to have the morning arrive so I could weigh myself and see how well/bad I did while in California with my eating.   I think it is always hard no matter what when you are on vacation because no matter how much you try you end up going out to eat and hanging out with friends at restaurants and of course it’s hard to count calories and monitor exactly what you are taking in.  

I was happy to discover though that I only gained 3.5 pounds….so that was awesome.  Easy to lose and I was proud of myself….I knew I didn't do great, but I did try hard to select low fat options when going out to eat and tried to have healthy snacks too.  It’s so rough and I must admit that having over a month off from working out was GREAT.  I really don’t miss it and would like to not do it at all...but I also know it’s good for me and I need to get back into the swing of it.  I start on Wednesday and still need to figure out exactly what type of workout my partner and I will be doing.  Can’t go outside and ride bikes yet...so something needs to be planned since the treadmills are gone...mine back at my parents house and hers broke.

Still putting lotion and creams on my scars regularly….it seems to be helping my scars more and I love how it smells anyway.  Still praying about my chest and that those scars continue to heal and that my left breast would continue to shape itself the same as the other one.  I know it’s not a big deal that they both look EXACTLY the same...but it would be nice.  I pray for acceptance on my part as well though and know that I am so fortunate just to have a chest that I like and that is full and perky….unlike what I had after all the weight loss...which was a bunch of flat nothingness.  lol   Anyway...that is the post-vacation update!  Welcome to 2015!

Scar Picture Update

So...I realized that in two more months it will be 2 years since I had reconstructive surgery…..and I have not posted updated photos in a LONG time.  So here we go…..I am posting pics and please be aware that this is me trying to be as appropriate as I can be but still show how things look.   And yes...my hair looks crappy because I just took a shower like an hour ago....lol...deal with it. lol My scars are continuing to fade really well....I still put on cocoa butter lotion to help them along and the only thing noticeably different from the scars on my tummy versus my chest is that the ones on my chest are a brighter red since I had surgery more recently on them. But just like with my tummy...those will fade more and more. Sorry the pics are not better....it's hard to take them on my own. lol

NO BRA!

Last night was the first night since I had my breast implants put in that I slept without my sports bra on.  Figured I would give it a try again since it had been awhile since the last attempt.  This is the first time I was able to keep it off ALL night long.  It’s not like it’s uncomfortable to sleep with it on of course...but I would prefer to not so I have been waiting for it to feel good enough to leave it off.  The previous attempts failed because I just didn't feel like my breasts felt quite right without the support of the bra.  This time it was all good though….and I woke up feeling so happy about it.  I may try it again tonight and see if this can become a regular thing.   

Now if I could only sleep on my stomach again.  Man I miss that.  I have always been a tummy sleeper and these new boobs do NOT feel good being laid on yet.  Not sure if it ever will either.  I have a couple friends who say they have had no problem with it but maybe that just comes with time. I will just have to wait and see I guess.  For now, I suppose I could look up that special pillow that they have for women who have implants.  It enables you to lay on your stomach and has a spot for your breasts to “rest” in. lol  Sounds hilarious and dumb I know, but I am telling you, I would use it! Tummy sleeping is so peaceful.  

Anyway...just wanted to give that small update.   ;)

Holiday Feast #1

Thanksgiving was a success…..quality of food and with how much I ate.  I did really good and although I am sure I ate more calories and fat in one meal than I should have I think I did great overall for the whole day.  It seems like holidays are so much easier to deal with now that I have a smaller stomach that can only hold so much anyway.  lol   That really helps.  Still maintaining my weight between 153-155….and still hoping to get lower to 145.  I know it would be easy to do if I could just stick to my 1600 calories a day every single day, but to be honest sometimes I just go to 2000 calories anyway….because I can’t help but want something else to snack on in the evening.  Not the worse thing in the world but I do need to practice maintaining it ALL the time versus solid for one month then a break for a week.  I know I can do it…..all about simply DOING IT!!  

I am still praying diligently about my breasts and how they are healing up.  I ask for contentment, and healing, and also for guidance in how to proceed if after a couple years James and I decide to get a second opinion on the area we are not quite as happy with.  I am so thankful that I have breasts that look great, considering how NOT great they looked after all the weight loss, but it would also be great if they both looked exactly the same.  lol

In other news...changing our peanut butter to the PB2 brand, which cuts the fat of peanut butter down by like 85%, has been a huge success.  I have also changed our syrup to only sugar free.
My daughter has been an avid pb&j sandwich girl for many years and although she is by no means overweight, she does have my body type and I want to ensure she learns to eat right now, so she can be healthy as an adult.  I have already noticed a change in her shape since we started the food change….she has gotten taller of course...so that could be part of it, but her tummy is flattening and I am so excited for her...I know it has been something that has bothered her for so long.  The old she gets the taller she will get, she will continue to slim out and with the healthy way of eating she and my son will have a great chance at being healthy adults!  AWESOME!!!  

Anyway...so that is the current update….Christmas is next….and hopefully that food festival will be just as good for me.  :)  

No More Bath Time

Just wanted to share a quick update.  It has been 10 days since I fainted and got a concussion in the process.  I am doing so much better now and I am very thankful for it.  The first 5-6 days seriously sucked.  I felt so tired, and my head was almost constantly hurting.   Even worse than that though was how confused and just foggy my head would feel while doing more than one thing at a time.  God forbid someone try talking to me while I was cooking, or reading, or anything….even though I could hear their words it was like I couldn't make sense of them.   I was some how unable to process the meaning and it would just make my head hurt worse.  One time I was cooking and then Evelyn handed me a paper to read about a project she had to do and even though I read it twice I just couldn't understand what the hell it was trying to say...then just trying to read it more made me head hurt even worse, and I just had to give it to James for him to look at it.   So frustrating.  It is truly the strangest feeling.  

But I am doing much better now….I still get slight headaches here and there but nothing compared to that first week...I would say I am 95% better.  I am planning on exercising today with my neighbor, I will mostly be riding my bike which I have made into a stationary bike for the winter.  So that shouldn't be too hard on me.  I will also be heading into the library today where I volunteer and although I won’t be staying too long I think my head can handle some pricing of books in the store and re-stocking of the shelves.

There was more thing I wanted to mention in this blog before I finish up.  I think I should be done taking baths...like forever….which probably means I also shouldn't use a hot tub ever again as well.  You see usually when I take a nice hot bath (since my weight loss surgery) my body starts to feel way overheated and I get lightheaded about 10 minutes into it.  Which sucks because then I feel like I am wasting water.  Last night I took a bath and despite bringing a glass of ice cold water with me that I could drink while in the bath I STILL got that same feeling and had to get out and lay on the bed until I was cooled off.  I could tell that if I had waited any longer to get out of that bath, I would have fainted again.  So….I have decided that this is just not worth it.  I can not risk fainting while in the bath or while getting out of it so I am thinking that I will not be taking any more of them and I probably should never get in a hot tub again either just to be safe.  Obviously my body can no longer handle heat like it used to and I really can’t risk fainting just so I can relax in a bath for 30 minutes.  This is of course a bit sad….because I seriously do love taking a nice bubble bath.  lol   But oh well….I also really don’t like feeling so light headed that I might faint...the answer is clear.  

Halloween Concussion

Well….you would think that after 3 years I would know how to properly take care of myself and yet here I am still dealing with my own stupidity.  October 31st, at 7am I passed out while getting Isaiah out the door to the bus.  I was dehydrated as usual when this kind of thing happens and not only did I pass out but this time I fell forward because it happened so fast I didn’t have time to prepare my body.  I hit the ground and hit my head.  ugh.  James heard me fall and came downstairs immediately.  I woke up very disoriented as is normal, and James was taking care of me.  He said I was unconscious for about a full minute and after a while I was ok to walk and had him take me to the bathroom...where sadly….I passed out again.  At least this time he caught me.  lol   I figured I would feel better after a couple hours but I didn’t….I kept having head pains...feeling icky, and just very tired.

Finally had my parents take me to the hospital where they told me I was indeed dehydrated (duh) and that the hit to my head against the floor was a mild concussion.  I have never had one before and didn’t realize how painful and frustrating they can be.  It hurts to concentrate hard on anything...it’s like my head immediately starts hurting, and God forbid I try to do more than one thing at a time.  Driving sucks too….the motion is not fun.   And I feel even more tired than usual.  I am supposed to limit my screen time (so typing this probably isn’t good) and not doing any exercising, or other household chores that require a lot of effort.  That is fine with me!! lol  

So basically I really need to be diligent about getting my fluids in, which is something that I have told myself so many times and yet I don’t know why it is something I still struggle with occasionally. Really need to be better about it though since this whole passing out thing is getting tiresome.