Out on a Limb!

James just put himself out on a limb to have a talk with me about some of the things he has seen me eating recently.  Not that I have been eating more than I should be...or eating bad things necessarily...but he has just observed that when I do have a little snack after I have already gotten all of my protein in for the day I tend  to go for the foods that are not the best health wise choice.  For example...crackers.  I have been loving crackers as a quick and easy snacks because it’s nothing that I have to cook...or prepare.  I just grab the box and can have a handful and be done.  That is lazy!!  Pure laziness on my part and the start of a bad habit developing that I refuse to allow.  So...no more being lazy and grabbing whatever is quick.  I am going to have to take more time and actually cook things up.  

I am so done with bad habits and I am so happy that even though James was nervous bringing this up to me, he did.  He was worried that I would take an offense to him trying to tell me what to do in regards to eating and that I wouldn’t take the suggestion to heart because in previous instances (before surgery) when he would try to suggest what I should and should not eat I would get upset, and basically tell him to mind his own business.  lol  No more of that though!  I need people who will keep me in check...I need people who are willing to tell me if they see me slipping up, or possibly creating habits that are not the best.  That is how you stay successful at weight loss...that is how you make it permanent!

Was this really me????

It's hard to believe that one year ago this was what I looked like.  I feel like a totally different person now.  I feel confident, healthy, energetic, and beautiful with over 100 pounds gone.  I am so thankful that I made the decision to change my life for the better.  :)

Freedom!

I have been looking up lots of videos and pictures recently that show the procedure for a tummy tuck and also pictures of before and after for it and for a breast lift.  The images and videos are of course very graphic and scary but I think overall I am excited!  Despite how painful I know it will be, I can’t wait to have the end result that so many of the women in the pictures have.  

Today I was watching a very lengthy video on YouTube (90 minutes long!) about a 600 pound woman and her journey to freedom through gastric bypass surgery.  It literally is a freedom we are experiencing.  She of course was in a worse place than I was, was incredibly limited in her mobility and quality of life, but the feeling of being “free”, free from what I can only describe as a “fat prison”, is hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been there themselves.  There are things that you risk changing in your life that maybe you didn’t want to have change...or at least, were not anticipating that come along with all the wonderful good things that change.

For this woman it was her marriage.  She had gone from having a husband who took care of her, him feeling needed and wanted and feeling like this was his job in life, to take care of this woman he loved...to suddenly she is getting thinner, healthy, able to go out and work, meet people, socialize again...and for him, it was scary.  He started to think she would leave him...and many other issues came forth out of that.  I guess it’s something that I hadn’t really considered until watching the video...it isn’t just you going through the weight loss journey and experiencing different feelings...your spouse is also in this...not experiencing the same emotions you are...but having new feelings about these changes in you.  

I feel so beyond blessed to have a husband who is supportive of me in every way, who cheers me on and wants what is best for my health...but most importantly I have a man who finds me sexy at any weight...he loves me, adores me...and is confident in us and our marriage.   He doesn’t feel worried that I will run off and try to find someone new, or that I will go out and start partying and acting inappropriate...he has a trust in me that can only come from God.  I am so thankful.  

There are lots of great changes that come with such a drastic amount of weight loss...but there can also be negatives...and I am glad that worrying about my husband is not one that I have to deal with.   :)

Feeling Confident!

It's so great to not only be feeling healthy but looking healthy too!  I love getting to buy fun cute clothes and actual feel like I look cute too!   This is me in my new knitted hat I got at the thrift store.  :)

New workout clothes!!

The Dreaded GYM!

Going to the gym is quite the experience.  Years ago, maybe 4 years ago, I had joined the same gym I went to today and gave it my best shot at attending regularly.  The problem was this...you go to the gym to lose weight and get healthy....but when you go there, heavy and unhealthy...certainly not feeling good about how you look and feel, being in the gym is just depressing.  At that time I felt like everyone was watching me, looking and judging me, asking themselves how I had let myself get that big....and although rationally I know that they probably were not doing that, I couldn’t help but think it anyway...eventually I started talking myself out of going and that was the end of my time at the gym.  

But here I am...I have lost over 100 pounds, and I am for sure feeling better about how I look...about how I feel about my appearance, just my overall confidence is so much higher than I can ever remember it being.  My good friend Deanna told me about a deal that Groupon was having at the same gym, a two-month membership for only $19.99.  I kept the link in my email for a couple days while I thought about it.  I couldn’t make up my mind.  But then Groupon sent me an email that they were going to give me an additional $10.00 off my first purchase with them and I couldn’t help but think that I would be an idiot to pass up such a great deal.  Who doesn’t go for a two-month membership for only $9.00??  So, I did it!  I signed up and so far I have gone to the gym twice already this week.  I plan on going again tomorrow and also on Friday.  That will be four days this week.

So far I have done the treadmill twice.  Today I ran/walked for two miles, and I felt like I was able to run more today than the first time I did it.  But really what I love best right now about the gym is how I am feeling while in there.  I walk in wearing actual workout clothes, snug fitting ones too...and I feel like I belong there.  I feel like NO ONE is looking at me, NO ONE is judging me, I feel like I am there, and I am just another random person at the gym that no one cares about, which is exactly how I want it.  lol  I know that I shouldn’t care what others think about me and how I look while exercising, but I do, I just can’t help it.  I am always in my head too much, I can’t stop it!  So for once I am happy to be there and be feel like I belong...hopefully I will continue to go and continue to get better stamina.  Also...I hope that I can get my brain to change how much I worry about what others think of me...I know that will take a lot of work...but I think it would be good for me.  

Continued Success...and the struggles...

While we were gone on our yearly summer vacation I tried as hard as I could to continue to eat right.  I followed my diet as well as I could considering that we were out as much as were, going to the state fair and constantly going out to dinners and movies.  I think I did great.  My body must have thought so too since I lost 5 pounds while we were gone.  Considering that my weight loss is slowing down now due to the fact that I am almost at the year mark 5 pounds is really good.  It has been 9 months since my surgery as of tomorrow....I can’t believe it has gone by so fast.  Pretty soon my body will stop losing weight and will settle at whatever weight it likes....and then it will be all up to me.  I know I am up for the challenge....I can do this.  

It is getting hard though.  Now that I have lost almost 100 pounds, I have noticed that when I see something sweet that the kids are eating, or James, I hear the old voice in my head telling me that it is ok to try just a bite...just one little bite.  Yah I might get sick, but maybe I won’t.  It’s so hard!!!  I have to remind myself all the time that giving into it that one time is just the start of giving into it again and again and again...it’s like any addiction.  My addiction is food...and thank the Lord, really, that I was able to have this surgery to help me get healthy.  There was no way I could have ever done this on my own.  I am too weak, and it is only because of this surgery and God's mercy that I am accomplishing all of this.