Back to work!

Going back to work today was good.  Although I can tell that when my surgery is paid off and it is time to quit my job,  I will be ready.  I really enjoyed being home for the entire month and it reminded me of how much I love being a stay at home mom and what a great blessing it has been for me to be able to do that the last 12 years.  I worked almost eight hours today and I can really feel it.  I am tired, and although my chest isn’t sore from the work my foot is since a two liter of soda fell on it.  Let me tell you that hurt like hell.  But at least having all that time off to heal really helped and I had no problem moving groceries that were heavy around for customers or anything like that.  It was all good.   For my first day shift I would call this a success.  The time flew by and I enjoyed being at the register the whole time.  

It’s an entirely different crowd of people who shop during the day then at night.  Lots more senior citizens and lots more Moms.  I saw two people I know even (although that is really nothing new).   I was at a register the entire time I was there.  It was so busy!  I am sure that could have been because of the holiday coming up but still….I couldn’t believe how constant the flow of people was.  Especially once 10am hit.  Tomorrow I just have a small shift, 12-4pm.  Not too bad at all.  Then I don’t work again until Saturday (unless they try to call me in that is).  

So anyway….so that is my day and I just thought I would share.  Time to relax!

Done No Matter What

Had my first check up since this last procedure.  Dr. Dinick seems to be really pleased with how everything looks and expects things to look even better as the swelling goes down and things “settle”.  No matter what though, I am done with having surgery.  However these things end up looking is just how they will have to look because I am just done.  4 surgeries in 2 years is more than enough for me.  But I think that over all I am quite pleased.  My nipples right now are all facing the correct way which is good.  They are not quite lined up exactly right but I think that is because of the swelling and what not, and expect that will improve with a couple more months.

Still not going to the gym of course, healing up and trying to not strain anything.  My neighbor and I fully plan on working out once again once I am up to it (which should be really soon).  We are going to be bringing some exercise equipment into our basement and attempting to do our workouts here to save money on the gym.  If we can do a good job at keeping it up at home we will continue with it and if not we will try another gym that is cheaper.  I refuse to keep paying $30 a month for an average gym.  

So far....so good...

Still doing really well after my latest procedure.  So far I have only had one day where I over did it and really regretted it.  I was dumb and just was out and about way too much and did too much cleaning and was SUPER sore later.   So much so that I did actually take some mild pain meds for the first time.  But after that I have been really relaxed, healing up well and wearing my bra every day all day (4 weeks for that too) like I am supposed to.  Things are still looking good, I think that once the swelling goes down they will look even better.  

I have a follow up appointment on the 14th and I am hoping to be able to go back to work on December 30th.  I am starting to miss working at Kroger a little bit but I am also really enjoying being home again so much.  So I will just take advantage and relax while I can.  :)

Newest Surgery

Had my surgery yesterday.  (Happy Thanksgiving btw!)  I don’t know why but I was actually borderline scared while waiting to be rolled into surgery.  For the last 3 I had no problem...I was excited and anxious in a good way.  But this time I was nervous and couldn’t really figure out the why of it.  I had my Dad and Mom pray with me to help me feel better which of course it did some.   When Dr.Dinick finally came to see if I was ready I felt even better.  He is always so sure of himself and that makes me feel more secure about the whole process.  

I really don’t remember anything after they started rolling me into the surgery room.  Actually, I don’t even remember the surgery room.  I must have passed out from the sleepy stuff really fast because next thing I knew I was awake and in pain.  Only half of my right breast was cut open this time.   It looks like he fixed all the problems but of course everything is pinched together and tight so it still doesn’t look the same as the left one yet.  Once it heals and relaxes some it will though and I feel confident that this should be it.  (Or at least I pray that this is it!)

I can move around ok for awhile and then I get really sore.  I am not taking any pain meds because I really don’t like how zonked out the heavy drugs make me feel...so I am just toughing it out...which isn’t that bad at all.  It hurts, but I have certainly had worse.  

I have 10 more days of no work still which makes me really happy.  I think that should be plenty of time to heal up.  I won’t be able to lift more than 10 pounds for about 4 weeks so I have a doctors note that I will take back to work with me to give to my boss.  Make sure everything is in order of course so they can’t say no to anything.  Here is hoping that I heal up quickly though...and that I am back to normal working order.  :)

FINALLY!!!

Finally received a phone call from my surgeons office.  They were able to squeeze me in for surgery!!  YAY!!  I am so excited.  Unfortunately they could only squeeze me in the day before Thanksgiving.  :(  But of a bummer I know, will make cooking the next day very hard.  BUT, on the plus side my mother in-law will be here visiting and she can help a lot with the cooking and James will be here to help take care of me.  So it won’t be all bad.  And really this is supposed to be a small 2 hour procedure, I really shouldn't be that bad off.  Unless of course right in the middle if surgery my doc decides that he thinks more needs to be done, in which case I could be worse off.  I only say this because that is what happened last time and I was more sore than expected.  

I am very anxious to have this procedure done….the awkwardness and sometimes soreness that my right breast has been experiencing is getting progressively worse.  I can’t lay on my left side because when I do that implant moves to a very uncomfortable position and actually hurts.  When I raise my arms up that breast just looks visibly wrong, the whole breast is a different shape than the other one because of how that implant is sitting and to top it all off, and really what is the most visually annoying thing, all of this makes my nipple face the wrong way.  It goes to the side, and not forward like the other one.  SO...as you can imagine this will be a very welcomed fix.  lol

I will write another update as soon as I have the surgery and let you all know how it goes.  Wish I was able to post a pic but of course that would be a little x-rated and not appropriate.  ;)  

2 Year Check-Up

Had my two year check up today.  Hard to believe it has been two years since I went in for Gastric Bypass Surgery.  The time has sure flown by and I hardly remember what it felt like to have all that weight on me.  I haven’t been in to see my surgeon in a year and according to them I have lost another pounds in that year.  They put me at having lost 85% of my extra body fat and I have an excellent BMI now.  I discussed with them my worry though about having put on 5-6 pounds since the reconstructive surgery and everyone I spoke to there agreed that that could have been a temporary weight loss from the surgery.  Also...if I am gaining muscle from the gym that could contribute as well.  They also said that maintaining this weight would be ideal for me and that I look great.  Losing a bit more weight would be fine too if I choose to but I certainly do not need to.  I felt happy with all that they said but it is hard to wrap my mind around being happy with this current number on the scale when I have already seen a lower number and can’t help but want to see it again.

I guess it is just one of those things where even though the surgery does help me lose weight, it sure doesn't help with the mentality I have towards how I look, eating, and just simple bad habits.  I continue to work hard though and monitor everything I eat with the app on my phone.  (My Fitness Pal)  James is of course incredibly supportive and is always willing to help me when he thinks that I am snacking on something that I shouldn't.  Even if it means me giving him a dirty look.  lol  I can’t imagine not having a support system.  How people go through this kind of dramatic change alone is beyond me.  I feel like everyday is a struggle of trying to not eat the things that just taste good and eating them because I want to….trying to eat things for the actual health of it is hard.  Even harder….sticking with the exercise!

Still doing good though attending the gym three days a week.   I attend with my friend and neighbor and after her 1 year contract is up at our gym we are going to attempt to save money by quitting the gym and doing our workouts here at my house.  We will do workout videos, use her treadmill in my basement, and do our weight training and other things too.  We are going to try this for a month or two and see if we can stick with it.  If we can’t we will find a cheaper gym than the one we are currently attending...and if we can we will save money and keep doing it here.  I hope we can stick with it because doing it at home would be nice.  Not to mention less time consuming with the drive back and forth.  So basically though all is well...I will continue to keep you updated as to my progress as usual.   :)

Going Strong

Doing really well still.  I am at 147.0 pounds which is down by two pounds since I last weighed myself.  I am keeping my fat intake really low to help get to my goal weight of 143 pounds.  Honestly though, I would be happy with 145 pounds.  Maintaining that weight is all good.  Still avoiding buying those food items that cause over snacking.  One of the snacks I should have added to the list before was ANY of the sugar free candies….they sell them at many places, yummy mint patties, caramel chocolates, all kinds.  They are SUPER yummy and I have a very hard time not having a lot of them.   The worst part is that for most of these small candies 3 of them is 10 grams of fat.  YIKES!!  No thank you.  

LOTS of fluids though is helping greatly.  Water with some crystal lite in it (generic brand) and also lots of milk (1%).  Keeps my tummy full through the times when I can’t have a snack handy too.  James is being very supportive and is trying to remind me when he sees me getting ready to eat something not as healthy as it could be to grab a better meal option.  He is also trying to lose weight btw….he started at 213 pounds and is now at 205.   Good job James!!  He is just eating smaller portions...way smaller.  It’s a slow process but he is doing really good.  

The holidays are fast approaching as we all know.  I don’t think I will have any problems but to be on the safe side I won’t be buying any treats or goodies until it’s time for the dinners.  It will be good for us all that way I think.  :)

Banned Items!

I am discovering that there are some foods that I simply should not buy.  When I buy them I can’t help but eat them instead of a nice healthy meal.  I end up eating things that are not necessarily healthy, but just taste good.  Not that they have high fat in them even...but they just are empty useless foods.  So...which foods am I talking about?  

1.)  Cheeze It’s - I LOVE them so much….so so much….I buy the reduced fat ones but even still I could eat the whole box throughout entire day if I have them….I DO NOT buy those anymore.

2.)  Pure Protein Bars - I buy these still because I need them to hit my protein mark for the day but I only buy what I need for the day.  This of course makes for more trips to the store but that is good because I swear these things are like candy to me...I f’n LOVE them.

3.)  Rice Cakes - Talk about empty calories….these are 50 calories a pop, have virtually no nutritional value, and I could eat these all day.  They are for sure my snack of choice when I want something that is kinda sweet but isn’t too sweet.  

4.)  Mini Chimichangas - Oh these things are delicious.  I dip them in a little bit of sour cream and I end up wishing I was still able to stuff myself...because if I could stuff myself, I would do it with these.  BUT, I can not buy these anymore because they are 8 grams of fat for the two I eat and when you add in the sour cream, it is just too much.  NO MORE!!

I am sure there are many more items, I just can’t remember them right now.  The point is that it’s nice to know that I can at least recognize these things and put a stop to it before I get out of control.  I haven’t bought some of these items for a long time and the rice cakes are a recent discovery of the “no more buying” category so I will no longer be purchasing those.  I have instead been discovering new healthier items to buy….like salad mix that I can add some great ingredients too, or Dannons Light and Fit yogurt.  I will figure it out and continue to be a healthier me….this whole process is a exactly that….a process...and I am learning and changing my habits to keep myself on a good path.

Hopeful

I had another appointment with Dr. Dinick on Saturday morning.  He confirmed that everything is still healing well on my chest but there is one last tweak that needs to be done.  My right breast is still not sitting correctly and the nipple is a bit off center.  It of course hurts slightly too when I am in different positions because the implant is not sitting right.  So….right now I am just waiting to hear back from his assistant because they technically don’t have any openings to do my procedure before the end of this year.  BUT, I have to have it done this year because our insurance deductible has been met and so any surgery I have this year will be fully covered.  So if it happens in 2014, it won’t be.  SO…..they are going to try to squeeze me in since they only need 2 hours for the procedure.  I am just waiting for the phone call...that’s all I can do.  Otherwise I may have to wait until the end of next year….which isn’t the end of the world, but it would be annoying.  

In other news I am doing excellent when it comes to tracking my fat intake and protein.  I am currently weighing 148 pounds...which is fine...but I would rather be back at 143 pounds.   BUT, as long as I am doing what I am supposed to be doing I can’t complain.  If this is the weight my body likes then I will have to be ok with it.  HOWEVER….I gained those 5 pounds because I had a couple bad weeks of eating more fat than I should have been so I am hoping that if I stick to my plan….THE plan….the way I am SUPPOSED to be eating ALL THE TIME….then I can only assume that the weight will go back down to where it was.  We shall see.  I will of course keep you updated.  Whoever all of you are. lol

Diligence Update!!

Well diligence is paying off so far.  I have been tracking my food carefully and i am already back down to weighing 145.5 pounds.  It’s funny how easy it is to get out of the correct routine and into a bad habit.  I am doing good though….fighting against temptations to just have small nibbles on foods just because they are there.  That is another thing that I recently discovered I was doing and depending on the item that I am nibbling on I could be adding on to my fat intake very easily by doing that.  Trying to keep hydrated as well….I always have my drinks with me and some generic crystal lite to squirt into it too so it isn't just plain water.  I can’t stand drinking lukewarm plain water but if it has some flavor I have no problem at all.   Anyway….just wanted to give a quick update on how I was doing.  YAY for doing good!!  

Diligence!

I feel like I have been quite the slacker lately.  Indulging when I shouldn’t be and that is not good.  It’s not like I am over eating in regards to the amount of food...I am not stuffing myself or something.  But I am eating more fat content than I should be and that is bad.  Yesterday I was much better and today I plan on being as well.  I can tell it is just that I am buying things that I know are my weakness. It’s not like I have put on a lot of weight.  But to me putting on any weight is just a bad trend that I don’t want to start.  I want to be at 143 pounds.  That is where I ended and where I want to stay….but yesterday morning I was at an annoying 148 pounds.  5 pounds more!!   ugh.  Again, I know it isn’t a lot to most people...but to me that is a big deal and something to be slightly concerned about since it could lead to complacency and bad habits returning.  I have to be so aware of myself if I want to really maintain this weight and new body that I have been blessed with.  So I am going to be diligent.  Use my app on my phone like crazy….and just take care of things right.  I think my downfall was going camping.  I had to eat different stuff, more fattening stuff...and it just made me lazy.

Work is going well though which keeps me walking a lot and of course I have been going to the gym regularly.  James still seems QUITE happy with the new me and is always complimenting me and grabbing on me.  It feels great and I love all the attention from him.  Hoping that this new excitement never goes away….because it sure is fun!  One more procedure to go and then I am done….I wish it would hurry up!!

Recent Check Up

I just had another check up two days ago.  Dr. Dinick is really pleased with how my scars are looking.  I will be having another check up in 3 more months (November) and at that point he will schedule my final small procedure.  My right breast needs one more tweak done and then it is complete!  I can’t wait.  Thought it was complete the last time, but I was wrong.  That is ok.  Just really hoping that this last thing is really truly the last thing though because the last surgery cost us more again....and I really don’t want to keep adding more onto our credit card.  James hates debt.  

My healing process is going so well though.  I couldn’t be happier.  I still have some numbness on and around my scars, but that is a small price to pay for having all that extra skin removed.  Even if all the feeling never comes back around my scars I would still say it is worth it.  My nipples don’t have full feeling yet either, but I am hopeful that will change within the year mark of my surgery and you know what, even if it doesn’t....again....a small price to pay for everything to be put back together.  The only down side to the numbness I have is when that spot is itchy and I scratch it, it does no good!  I can’t feel myself scratching it!  ugh.  lol

I have been going to the gym regularly still.  Working on my stomach muscles is still not happening, it hurts too much with the tummy tuck so I imagine that will take more time in the healing process.  Maybe I will be able to do those kind of exercises once the year mark hits in February.  I can do 4 sit ups right now...4.....that is nothing compared to the 25 I used to do.  But I am gaining ground.  

The swelling in my stomach is going down as well.  This is another great healing sign.  I haven’t lost more weight but I am down another pant size (size 8!) which to me just shows that the swelling is steadily going down.  I can’t wait til a couple years has gone by and I can see the final product.  Things are so exciting.  Even with the swelling though I don’t mind how everything looks.  I have been brave and am wearing an actual bikini top now when I go out swimming and to the beach.  I was nervous at first but now I am comfortable with it.  Feels good to be wearing one....something that I never ever dreamed of being able to do.  

How is it that God has blessed me with this whole experience?  I feel so fortunate that I not only had the gastric bypass procedure but that I had it and had ZERO complications.  THEN....I had the reconstructive surgeries...and still no complications!  I am just so thankful...so very thankful.  I feel like I have a new life....I get to be healthy....run....walk up hills, play with the kids....feel sexy for my husband...and just feel like I look good in general.   I can’t express how wonderful it is to shop in the regular section...instead of the plus size one.  To not worry about where I park and if I can squeeze out of my car....to have the towel wrap around me all the way....paint my toes....and have James easily pick me up!  So much to appreciate....it is mind blowing.   

I will write again soon and update on what other things are happening....for now I guess the overall theme though is that I am doing great, sticking with the gym, eating right, and feeling wonderful.  God is good and life is great.   Amen!

Progressing

Things are coming along really well.   Since my last procedure my chest is healing up really nice and looking even better.  I am still going to the gym and I am trying to take it easy but its hard.  Sometimes I do too much...and hurt myself...but I am learning my lessons for sure.  I can always tell when I hurt myself because its almost like I feel a slight tear in my chest.  Nothing does tear of course...but that is just what the pain feels like.   So I am currently avoiding doing stomach exercises and chest ones for now.   I don't know how much longer I will need to... but I will figure it out.  

Adjusting to life as a skinny person is still odd.  I feel like I have ZERO idea how to speak to the male population without coming off like I am hitting on them.  I am learning that even friendly chatting can be taken as flirting.  And sometimes I don’t have to do anything...they just notice me and immediately  give me a “look”, or say something that implies something else.  It is strange and I am adapting.  I don’t want to give people the wrong idea of course.  

But it is natural I think as well for me to like and even appreciate some of the attention.  Trying to not let it go to my head of course.  People compliment me or say how pretty I look and I just try to remind myself that although it is great to look nice, it is not the most important thing and that what really matters is showing God’s love to others.  I have been trying to read my Bible at work....and discuss church more in front of people...in the hopes to have those kinds of conversations come up.  Then I can say what a huge blessing from God this surgery has been...and give him the glory.  

I have an appointment coming up in August.  I may or may not need one more small procedure on my right breast but that should be it.  I thought I was done....but Dr. Dinick really seems to want to do a couple more fixes.  They are ones that I agree with too...so it’s all good.  I want things looking the best they can as well.  :)   I will write another update later.   Bye for now.  :)

In the Gym!

Gym done.  Glad to be able to go and exercise even if I can't do everything yet.  Working back up to it slowly and happy to see that I am healing up quickly from this latest procedure.  I have lost all the extra weight from swelling and am back down to 143 pounds.  YAY!  I have been using the app My Fitness Pal and it has really been helpful in tracking my fat intake and protein.  I can even add in my exercise.  I did forget to make my one week check up appointment though and so now I have to call and set it up but my one week check up will be turning into a two week check up.  Oh well....I am confident that all is well and that my doc will be quite pleased.

The Day After..........

Well....I didn't sleep that great.  Around 4am I woke up from the pain.  I must have been trying to move in my sleep and once I did that the pain woke me up.  From that point on I started waking up every hour until I finally just woke up and stayed up at 8:30am.  At least this time it is just my chest hurting.  Could be worse.  But I can't do a lot of things right now that require arm strength or chest muscles.  Can't even push the front door closed all the way.

 I know I am not back to square one, but maybe I'm at square 5?  lol  Either way when I go back to work on Thursday I will be pretty useless when it comes to picking up heavy objects.  So glad I got all the cleaning around here done yesterday morning.  On the plus side....my breasts look great, even with my new incision.  I am so happy with the results....they look natural and shaped just right.  I couldn't be more pleased.

No big hugs though for a bit.  I will have to be sure that I don't let anyone catch me off guard and squeeze me too tight.   Hurts to lift my arms, bend over, squeeze things, push things, I never knew until I started this whole process how much you rely on your chest muscles to do things.  It's kinda crazy really.

Scar Revision Surgery

Well my surgery went well.  It was supposed to be 2 hours long but it turned into 4 hours and 20 minutes or so because I guess during surgery Dr. Dinick decided that he wanted to make a new “pocket” for one of my implants to sit in and so that ended up taking a bit longer.  I have two totally new scars now, but that is ok.  I am starting to like my scars...kinda like they are reminders of where my body has been....and how hard I have worked to get it to this point.  I don’t mind having a lifetime memory of that to keep me in check.   

After getting home I realized even more that I do not do well when on heavy meds.  I felt so light headed and just plain out-of-whack.  At one point while checking out how things looked in the mirror I almost passed out from the bathroom being too hot.  James was there with me though and held me until the feeling passed.  I made myself not faint...which I felt was a pretty big deal.  I don’t plan on taking any of my pain meds because I feel like it is important for me to feel what hurts and what doesn’t so I don’t over do anything.  I like to be as aware of my body as I can be when it comes to this stuff...I don’t want any injuries to happen simply because I thought I could lift or push something that I should not have.  

The scar looks pretty gnarly right now...but they all did at first and it will get better.  My breasts both look so much better now.  I can tell that the implants are actually fully behind the breast muscle which is exactly where they should be.  My boobs look just right...exactly how I wanted them.  Wish I could post a picture of them but oh well.  I am wearing my surgery bra for now...a wire bra would not be very comfortable considering the new scars are right on that area where the wire would be.  

I was scheduled to work tomorrow night at Kroger but thankfully a friend switched days with me and so I don’t have to go in to work now until Thursday night.  YAY!  More time to heal that means....exactly what I wanted.  Anyway...I will write more again in a day or two.   Keeping you all updated as usual.  

Back at the Gym

The gym went great.  I worked up a small sweat and I got my heart pumping good.  Used the elliptical for 1.8 miles and I couldn’t believe how not going to the gym for three months really takes away all the effort that you put in previously.  My legs were really feeling it!  Back to square one (almost) it feels like.  After the elliptical we (my friend and I) did our arms.  I decided it was safest to use 5 pound weights today and work up to heavier stuff as time goes by.  I didn’t want to push it and re injure myself.  So we did arms, glutes, push ups, squats, lunges, and then moved on to the stomach.  

That was where I was most worried.  I knew that I could do it, but I didn’t know how much my stomach could handle.  Turns out that it couldn’t handle very much.   lol  I was able to do about 4-5 sit ups and that was it.  On the plus side I know that I will quickly be able to do more (but I am not going to rush it) and since my surgeon already tightened my stomach muscles from the inside getting them to show from the outside shouldn’t be too difficult.  So all in all....one hour at the gym well spent.  I usually go 3 days a week so my next day back will be Wednesday.  I am sure I will need the day off from it since I am betting my legs will be super sore tomorrow morning.  lol  

3 Month Check-Up

I had my three month check up today with my surgeon.  Once again I was naked and examined and poked and prodded, mostly on my breasts...and even though it has happened a bunch of times already it is still very odd to have someone look at you like you are a piece of art, or equipment, basically...like something to be examined and scrutinized.  It’s odd...and really just a strange feeling.  But I was fully looked over and in the end Dr. Dinick decided that he wants to do some outpatient surgery on me.  He basically wants to move around my scars, which in the process will adjust my breasts to a better position.  Also...he is going to open the left breast up and move my implant some.  It is not sitting as well as it should be and is not looking the same as the right breast because of it.  So...he will be adjusting that as well.  Lastly, he will be adjusting the scar on my stomach too...tightening up the skin some and what not.  I am excited.  

It is an outpatient procedure like I said, so I won’t have to take any time off from work or anything and it shouldn’t be a procedure that takes long to do either.  I will probably wear my support bra from my surgery for a few days at first, since my scar will actually be moved to where the wire on my regular bra will be and that will most likely be uncomfortable after this is done.  I didn’t know at first that there would be more to do...but I am glad to have my surgeon being so diligent and wanting to have everything be perfect.  Makes me feel like I am in good hands.  This is all taking place on June 10th, sometime in the morning.  I won’t know what time exactly yet until they call and tell me.  So anyway...I will update you all more once I know more, and of course I will update you when the procedure is done too.  :)

Tracking

Its been awhile since I last wrote and I thought I should update you all.  In five more days it will have been three months since I had my tummy tucks and breast lift/implants.  I'm still healing up well.  Quite well.  My incisions still look great.  I have not noticed much of a change in them recently but I also dont expect there to be.  I know it will take quite some time before significant change happens in how they look.   It could be a whole year!  I almost have full strength back.  I still can't lift heavy items when they are low to the ground and I have noticed that when I try to use my muscles more than usual... like really use my strength.... its odd....I know I should be able to but its like my muscles don't exist.  I try to pull windows down and I can't make my arms do it.  Its odd.  They are getting better the more my breasts heal up...so I know its just about waiting for more time to go by.  I'm just anxious I guess.

Especially since I head back to the gym on June 1st.   I know I won't be able to run... probably not jog either...and I don't know how much I can work on my stomach...but I'm going to try and just start off small and easy...not push it of course.   I just really want to stay fit.  I really want to keep this body looking as good as Dr. Dinick made it look.  I'm determined to not gain this weight back.  Which is probably why when ever I weigh myself I am always very aware of what the scale says.

For instance,  I have not been journalling my food in take for a very long time because I felt confident that I just knew what I was taking in really well.  But the scale says I weigh 146 pounds right now instead of the 143 pounds I was at about 3 weeks ago.  I can only assume that is because I'm eating more fat than I should be.   I know three pounds isn't alot....but you have to put yourself in my shoes I guess and really understand how scary the idea of going back to where I was is to me.   I'm sure I'm just being paranoid.... but even so I would rather just start tracking my food again and make sure I'm not eating more fats than I need to be.

So I did.   I have my app back on my phone again and I'm tracking everything.   Did really good today too.  If I do this for awhile and stay at the same weight than that's fine.... at least then I will know it is what I'm supposed to weigh... and I can accept that just fine.  

Anyway....nothing else going on...I will update though after my next appointment.  I should have some news at that point about my right breast and if we will be adjusting my scar on that one in an attempt too slightly move my nipple to face more forward.  

Doing Good...

Things are going really well.  I continue to heal up, eat right, take my vitamins, and do only the things I am allowed to do.  James is still bringing all the laundry downstairs and upstairs, and he is still doing all the vacuuming.  I know it is hard on him, but wow he is a trooper.  He still does so much to help out around here and I really appreciate it.  To make it even better (if that is at all possible) James took me shopping to buy dresses and a swimsuit.  It was so beyond exciting, it was so surreal.  Just putting on the first dress and looking in the mirror made me cry.  I have never dreamed that I would be able to not only fit into a size 10 dress...but look so beautiful in it.  I just cried...I couldn’t help it.  Such an amazing blessing.  Truly it is.

New Swimsuit!

Bought a new swimsuit!  It is a two piece, but the top is one of those longer ones, like a tank top.  The bottom is a regular bottom but has an attached skirt.  Super cute and the top is lacy, James even picked it out!  I love it and I can not even tell you how great it feels to actually love how I am looking in a swimsuit.  There are really no words for how blessed I feel.  My scars show a bit, but by the time summer comes they should be all healed up.  So excited!

4 Weeks Post-Op

4 Weeks Post-Op

                                Top pic is my hip on my right side.  Still swollen, but slowly going down.

As you can see the incisions are done scabbing, and there is no more

skin peeling off.  The incisions in the middle area are already starting to fade away

and the larger scars are getting better as well.  Lots of swelling in the tummy area

still...but as I said before, that could take months to go away.

Left side, hip area.  Also looking really great.  Side note:  damn I have no butt!  LOL

Pounds Removed

Just heard from my surgeons assistant. Finally found out how much weight in skin he removed from my stomach. 5.2 pounds was taken off of me. At first I thought that it didn't sound like a lot...but then I picked up my five pound weight and was like, "WHOA!!, that is a lot!" How crazy that I had that much extra skin to be removed. So thankful for a great surgeon and how amazing God is in healing me up so quickly.

3 Week Check-up

So yesterday I had my 3 week check up.  I was anticipating not having my last drain taken out.  I knew it was draining less than was required for it to be removed, yet for some reason or another I really felt like it wasn’t going to be good enough and he would opt to leave it in for another week.  After waiting for a crazy amount of time to have my appointment I finally got into the actual exam room and Dr. Dinick came right in.  When I he said it was time to take that last drain out I was shocked!  I almost didn’t believe him.  lol  I was so excited.  Luckily this last one is shorter in length and didn’t hurt near as bad as the other ones.

He also examined my breasts for a very long time.  I can not even begin to tell you how crazy odd of a feeling it is to be examined like that.  As if I am so strange science project that has to be studied.  I kept feeling like we should maybe be having conversation but he was so intent and serious I had no idea what to say.  lol  He wants to let them heal for a while longer before he decides if there needs to be any surgical tweaking done to them.  There are some spots that he is concerned about and is hoping that they just fix themselves.  I am confident that they will turn out fine.  One has more swelling than the other right now (my right breast) and I think it is due to driving the van.  

I also no longer need to have gauze or bandages on anything!  YAY!!  That made my day, and even more was the news that I could stop wearing this garment at the 4 week mark.  SWEET!!
I am sure it will feel strange though once it is just my clothes against the incision marks.   Especially if I am wearing jeans.  

I don’t have to go back for another checkup for four more weeks.  I am so happy with how good things are going.  I am putting my scar cream on everyday after I shower and can’t wait to see the results from doing that too as time goes by.  I think what I am most looking forward to though would be the swelling in my stomach to go down.  I am so anxious to see how flat it will look.  I don’t even remember a time when I had a flat tummy, even though I am sure there was a time that I did indeed have one.  lol  Anyway, so that is the update for now.  Will write more next time.

2 Week Check Up!!

Had my two week check up today and everything went great.  I had another drain removed and once again it hurt really bad.  Not as bad as the first two....but still bad.  I am pretty tired today, not sure why...maybe from being out and about, maybe not.  All I know is a nap didn't really help.  My right underarm area is sore today now too, possibly from driving, who knows...so I am trying to just sit around and do nothing.  I feel like it is most likely sore from last nights sleeping.  When I woke up this morning I woke up with both my arms above my head...which I think is why I am sore.  I am not supposed to actually have my arms up above my head for very long and sleeping like that for sure made me wake up feeling sore and strange in my arms...so even though I felt better later, I am 90% sure the current soreness is from that...could be driving, but I feel like sleeping funny is most likely the culprit.

I am hoping to go to church tomorrow though if I am feeling up to it.  My doctor reminded me that no matter how good I am feeling I still need to take it easy...which I plan to do. Church is just a lot of sitting though, so it shouldn’t be too hard.  I know I tend to get overzealous and think I can do anything...so I have to remind myself that I need to take it SLOW!!  Cleaning the house is ok if I am doing very light mediocre things, but I can’t push it or I will just get more sore and not be feeling up to things later.  

Dr. Dinnick really examined my breasts today.  Grabbing and squeezing and all that.  He was kinda talking to himself while doing it and mentioning swelling in different areas and what not.  I asked him if he thought that they were looking good and he said, “Actually, they turned out even better than I thought.”   That made me really happy.  :)   If he loves them, I love them!  So I am really excited about how they will turn out.  Also...I got my scar cream today!!  Can’t wait to start using it tonight and see how quickly these scars GO AWAY!!!   So cool.  :)  I will post more pictures of them in two more weeks.  

2 Weeks Post-Op Pics

 Two weeks after surgery!  My scars are looking awesome.  As you can see they are not even red, and I have still had zero leakage or bleeding.  The scars are starting to peel and dry up which is great as well.  This process kinda reminds me of when you get a tattoo and the skin peels as it heals up.  My belly button, which you can see in this top pic, is barely noticeable as a bellybutton at all right now, but will continue to heal up and look more and more normal.  I do not plan on posting pics of my full breasts but as you can see those scars are doing just as well as the others.  My nipples as well.

 These side scars reach practically all the way around me.  One thing to note is that the scars don't really hurt.  What hurts is all the muscle tightening that my surgeon did on the inside.  Other than that the only other thing I feel is how tight and swollen my skin/body is.

These side scars are also peeling really well, and are not red or anything.  I have a lot of swelling though under them still and that is all expected.  That should continue to go down everyday for the next few months.

This last pic is showing how everything looks in the very front obviously.  The scar goes right above my public line.  My stomach is very swollen still from the surgery.  From what I understand the stomach area in particular could be what takes the longest in regards to swelling going down.  But again...everything is looking great.  Once I get my cream that I will be putting on my scars starting this weekend, things should drastically start improving.  I forget at the moment what the cream is called but it is very expensive ($135 for 6 weeks worth) and activates my stem cells which helps me grow new skin.  I am very excited to start using it!

No Vicodin!

I stopped taking my pain meds two days ago and I am doing really great so far.  The pain is only annoying, it is not near as bad as I thought it would be.  Of course it has been a week and a half, so that could also be why it isn’t so awful...but still, I think I am doing really well without the Vicodin.  Taking that stuff just wasn’t for me.  I have never been very good with prescription narcotics and since I have never done any recreational drugs either I think it is just safe to say that my body just doesn’t know what to do with drugs in general.  Vicodin always makes me feel very strange, even when taking less than the prescribed amount.  I am glad to be done with it.

I am wearing a regular shirt today instead of a button up shirt.  This is also huge progress.  I was told I would need to wear a button up shirt for a bit because of the pain my arms would be in from the breast procedure but I am now doing well enough that I can lift them and put my arms through a shirt.  Not lifting them straight up of course, that would be a little too much, but I do lift them enough to get them through the sleeves and then slip it over my head.  I am excited to start dressing normal again.

On the down side I think that the stress my body went under during surgery caused my to start my period almost 2 weeks early.  I started yesterday and was very annoyed to have to deal with this so soon during my recovery.  But whatever, you can’t ask for perfection I guess when recovering from such a huge operation.  Hoping that it gets over and done with quickly is all I can pray for I guess.  

I am doing really well with emptying my own drains now.  I do it while in the bathroom usually and since I only have the two of them it goes really quick.  I am showering every night again too which also helps me to feel like I am back on the road to being normal.  I couldn’t help but try on a pair of pants to see if they fit or not and I was a bit saddened to see that that not only fit but were a tad bit snug.  It is obviously from all the swelling that I still have around my stomach and my hips.  There is a lot of it going on and my stomach will probably not be flat like it is supposed to be for about 3-4 months.  That is what my surgeon said at least....he even mentioned that there could be slight swelling in areas for up to a year.  Crazy right?  lol  I guess the body needs more time than I thought it did.  

But either way I am really happy with how things are going.   I am hopeful that I will get my cream soon to start applying to the scars so that they will heal even quicker and look even better.  The stuff the surgeon gives us costs $135.00 for 6 weeks worth, so it better be like a miracle cream!  lol   I have seen the results on people though so I know it works.  Anyway, that is my update for now.  I will write again very soon.  :)

First Check-Up

Well today I had my first check up since my reconstructive surgery.  I got dressed in actual clothes (which was great since I have been wearing pj’s forever it seems like) and prepared myself for my first actual outing in over a week.  I have been doing better in the last few days.  I can walk straighter, walk around for longer, and sit down like a regular person for longer too.  So off I went to my appointment in the car today.  I got into the car today really easy compared to getting in and out of it on the day I came home.  I sat there at the hospital waiting for over 90 minutes to be seen and I did really well.  It did hurt my back some and I got up and walked around once in awhile but over all I did really good.  I feel like they make everyones appointment at the same time and we are all waiting for the same doctor so it takes forever.  I don’t know why they schedule us all around the same time, but whatever.  

It did give me some time to talk to some of the other ladies who were there also recovering.  There was no one else there who had had their breasts done, but there was a lady who had the same stomach procedure as me done and she was really informative.  She told me that getting my drains out would hurt really bad, (I will write about that in a little bit) she said that she went back to work after 3 weeks and she does nursing and is on her feet a lot so that felt good to hear, and she said that even though it has been 3 months since her surgery she still wears her garment because she said it helps her body to feel “ok” while at work, and just makes her feel more secure.  I can picture myself doing the same thing.  I have noticed that when I have it off I am always worried about hurting myself...as if having it on is my safety device or something.  lol

Finally I got in to see the doctor.  He took a look at everything and basically said I was coming along great.  He said I no longer needed gauze on my breasts, but he did want me to use one larger one, rolled up, to put between them to help the skin reshape correctly.  My stomach incisions are coming along great as well.  They are not red, they are not having any leakage, and are already scabbing.  He took a look at my drains and decided to take 2 of them out.  Holy cow did that hurt!  I have (or had) four of them and they are placed right above my vagina.  I didn’t realize quite how far inside of me the drains went and when he pulled the two out I quickly learned.  I would say there was about a foot of plastic inside of me and when he pulled them out it felt like a worm or something was wiggling inside of me.  Craziest feeling ever and it really hurt!!  I mean like I screamed and cried actually.  Even though I had been warned by that lady, I was not prepared.  lol

So now I am home, things are going great.  I feel confident that I will continue to get better quickly and be by myself at home very soon.  I have been showering really well and even drying myself off now.  I have had a bowel movement twice now, which doesn’t seem like much I realize, but it is.  The only downside is that I had to take a laxative to make it happen.  Hopefully that will change soon.  My stomach muscles are still very sore and sensitive, so any kind of pushing is difficult.  Anyway, that is all for now.  I will write back more very soon.

Passed Out!!!

So....when I was released from the hospital the surgeon told me to be careful showering because with all the meds and anesthesia, I could easily pass out from getting overheated. I was supposed to shower with someone. Not a problem since we all know I have a problem with passing out since having the gastric bypass surgery anyway. Last night was my second shower. James was in there with me and as he was helping to wash my incisions, I started to feel too hot. I told him and said I needed to get out. He said he would hurry then but as another minute passed, I knew I needed to get out now. I told him again, and he got me out. But as I got to the bed, I was feeling very strange and according to James it wasn't long before I was "gone" and I dropped. He caught me under my arms but quickly laid me on the ground because he was so afraid of hurting me. I wasn't out long, a couple minutes, and woke up confused but ok. Laid there for a while to get my body feeling normal again. Wow, talk about an interesting night, right? Lesson learned...cool or lukewarm showers for now on while on all these medicines. Thank God James was there to catch me. Could have really hurt myself.

Surgery Done!!

Well, I had my reconstructive surgery. and everything seems to have gone really well.  I'm not gonna sugar coat it, this is the worst pain I have ever known.  The surgery itself had a couple hiccups.  It was supposed to be a seven hour surgery and it turned into twelve.  I guess my blood pressure got dangerously low and they had to change my anesthesia mid way through and I guess that took a long time.  Everyone was really worried about me since James hadn’t heard from anyone and hadn’t posted anything on Facebook yet like he was supposed to.  

When I finally woke up from being under I remember the nurses asking me questions, such as if I knew where I was and stuff.  I kept telling them I was at “work”, or I would say I was at Kroger.  lol  I guess I must have been dreaming about being at work right before I woke up because it was all I could remember.  lol  Eventually though I realized what was going on and began to come to.  Everything hurt, I mean everything!  James and the kids and my Mom and Dad came to see me really quick and then they let me go to sleep.  I woke up during the night from the nurses and they eventually made me get up and walk.  OUCH!!  I can not even fully describe how all of this feels.

It is like a wrestler is giving me the biggest bear hug ever.  The pressure I am feeling around my stomach and breasts is crazy.  Everything feels stretched and pulled so tightly, and the pressure is just...well it’s crazy.  Honestly I don’t know how to describe it right.  If I don’t take my pain meds it hurts pretty badly, with them it is tolerable.  My body looks so different.  In a good way and a bad way of course.  My tummy is flat now, and my breasts are larger, but everything looks kinda deformed.  My boobs are misshapen, they look weird to be honest...very hard feeling and sore.  I know that they will look better eventually but right now it’s hard to imagine.  Same thing with my tummy...everything is so swollen it looks crazy odd....I feel useless too.  I can’t lift my arms because it uses your chest muscles to do that which hurts.  I can’t laugh, I can’t cough easy, or anything that really uses those kinds of muscles because  it just hurts so damn bad,

My Mom and Dad let me borrow their hospital type bed while I am recovering.  It goes up and down and so that makes it easier for me to get up and down.  It is in the living room and so I have easy access to the kitchen and bathroom and it is easier for everyone to help me too.  I hope that as the weeks go by I won’t be so helpless.  I am supposed to go back to work after 4 weeks, hopefully that is not expecting too much.  

At my one week appt I will be buying the scar cream that I will be applying everyday and that is supposed to drastically improve my scars.  Like crazy drastic.  I can’t wait to do that.  The two small bottles of it cost $135.00, but it will be well worth it.  I imagine that will get put on after showers since I have to wear my garment practically 24/7.  I only take it off for showers or to wash it.  James says it looks like I am wearing a superhero outfit.  lol  

James and my parents have been amazing.  I couldn’t have asked for a better support system.  Doing this alone would be impossible....and I am so thankful to God for them.  I will try to write more again soon...I think right now it is time for a nap.  My body is working so hard to heal up that it makes me very sleepy.  Anyway...till next time.  :)

Pre-Admission Testing

Pre-Admission Testing DONE!! Blood work came back great and I am officially "ok'd" for surgery. The doctor I saw and many of the other ladies there were telling me how amazing my surgeon, Dr. Dinnick is and that he is a perfectionist. The doctor I saw today said that considering how great my body already looks with the weight loss that by the time my tummy tuck heals up it should look like I have a six pack!!! Can you believe that??? WOW!! I cannot even begin to imagine that, seriously. I have NEVER EVER looked that good. What a dream come true. This is seriously a blessing from the Lord people. So many people who come to this hospital to have all this weight loss surgery done travel 2-6 hours just to get here, but God found it right to place me not only here in Michigan, but right in the city where it is. Praise God!! 14 more days until surgery people!! The countdown begins. :)

Almost Time!!

I now weigh 150 pounds!  Crazy isn’t it?  I really never dreamed that this could be happening to me.  My surgery is coming up in less than a month and I am so anxious to get this loose skin off of me.  I want to have nice breasts again that actually look right and be able to have my pants fit like they should without this skin getting in the way.  It will be so worth all the pain I am going to be in.  And I know I will be in some major pain.  

I am loving working at Kroger still.  That job is seriously great for my ego.  I am always getting compliments on how young I look or that I can’t possibly be 32 years old.  It is great and I love it, but I can tell that if I am not careful it would be easy to let it go to my head.  I am trying to keep myself in check, I need to stay humble and grounded, and let God have his way with me, instead of me getting in the way of myself.  Does that make sense?  It did in my head. lol

2 Months @Kroger

I have been working at Kroger doing the 8pm to 2am shift for about 2 months now.  I really like it a lot and the people I work with are pretty awesome too.  I think the best part is all the people of the neighborhood that I get to meet and talk to.  The strangest part for me though is getting attention from men while there.  I am so used to being the big girl, and to only getting sexual attention from my husband that when other men do it I am quite thrown and don’t know how to react or what to do really.

I have had one man tell me that I am, and I quote, “Hot as hell!”, and another want to call me.  I have had one co-worker kind of get a little creepy on me and I had to set him straight and I have had one guy seem to go out of his way to hang around and talk to me.  It is all very odd and made me realize more and more how badly I needed to get my ring re-sized.  I have not been able to wear it for almost 2 years.  First because my finger was too fat for it, and then because my finger was too small.  lol  

I have now lost 120 pounds, and I think that my fingers are pretty well settled with their new ring sizes, so I took them in to get taken care of.  I had four different rings all together and so I took those in and they are all finished and beautiful now!  I am so happy I get to wear them again.  It feels great to look like a married woman once more.  Hard to believe that I now wear a size 6 on my ring finger!!  I can’t remember what size I was before ( I should have found out while at the jewelers) but I know it went down at least 2 sizes.  

Time sure is ticking by though my surgery will be coming up before I know it.  Only 38 more days and then I will be in the worse pain I can imagine, but all for a very good reason.  I can’t wait for the finished product.  A year from now I will look and feel so different...I can’t wait.  :)

Surgery Fast Approaching

Talked to my surgeon's office today and asked a few questions.  Found out that James will need to be home to take care of my for at least one week, and then for about 3 more weeks after that he will need to do all the vacuuming, grocery shopping, and laundry.  Basically, anything that requires me lifting more than 10 pounds since I will not be able to lift more than that for 12 weeks.  I should be able to go back to work after 4 weeks and will just have to maintain that same weight restriction while I am there too.  They said that shouldn’t be a problem though which makes me really happy.  

I have an appointment on February 2nd with my surgeon and at that visit he will be showing me the implants and we will discuss what they will look like and how they will sit and feel.  I will ask all my questions too of course.  I am so excited to get this all done!  I wish that I could do it right now in some ways.  I feel slightly nervous about all the pain that I know I will be in but really that doesn’t compare with how excited I am to see the finished product when I am all healed up.

I will be paying for my surgery before I have it at this appointment as well.  I also have to pay for the two garments I will be wearing for who the hell knows how long.  One will be for my breasts and the other for my stomach.  I have a feeling that my stomach will be the thing that is the most painful.  Being sliced open from one end to the other in one direction, and then the same thing in the other, is going to be nothing short of agonizing.  But like I said, I will just focus on the final product.  That is what will get me through.  

I have one other last appointment before the big surgery day on February 21st, and that is my Pre-Admission Testing appt on February 6th.  That will be a 3-hour ordeal where they do a ton of stuff to me so they can be sure that I am medically fit to have surgery and survive it.  I expect no issues with that test and in fact I am sure I will pass it with flying colors.  This month cannot go by fast enough in my mind.  I am very anxious....in a good way!