Therapy 101

So Tuesday is my first day with a therapist. I have to have a psychological evaluation so I can qualify for the Bariatric Surgery. I think I am more nervous about that then I am the actual surgery! I have never been to one before and although I am don’t know why I am nervous I just am. Worried about what the therapist will think of me I guess. Worried that I won’t say the right thing. UGH! I’m being so dumb huh? But I am really excited about getting this done and over with so I can proceed with getting the surgery done. From what I can gather from the ladies at the clinic I have talked to, I may be getting this done way sooner then I thought. I knew it would be in October, but I the impression I got from the lady was that it could be in less then 2 weeks!

I can not tell you how excited I am ….really. I have been thinking about what life will be like for me in a years time....hell...even six months from now...and the ideas going through my head just seem so foreign. I have looked at a bunch of the before and after pictures that they have at the clinic and quite frankly it almost seems too good to be true! My insurance will cover 100% of the tummy tuck and breast lift too if I keep the weight off for a year after I reach my goal weight! So exciting.

I try to picture what it would be like to actually wear a pair of shorts comfortably, to wear a swimsuit and not feel like I have to cover myself up as much as possible. To run, actually run, with the kids. Jump on the trampoline...sit comfortably in an airplane, shop with my friends in the same area of the store, potentially weigh less then James, not be freaked out when James tries to pick me up or....well.....it would be nice to look in the mirror and not feel disgusted. I could go on and on....I won’t bore you with all my complaining but when I try to imagine not feeling this way it seems like an impossibility!

I guess what it comes down to is that I have been a “big” girl almost all my life, and I wonder how it will feel, emotionally, AND physically, when I no longer am? Will I think of myself as a big girl years from now even though I won’t be? So many what if’s. I can’t wait to find out the answers!!! I can’t wait to start this new adventure....this is going to change so much of my life...this is going to be wonderful!!