On my way.....

Doing good on trying to lose that weight that I gained back.   I have lost 2.5  pounds of it so far.  It’s hard to keep myself patient about it however.  As in the past, I still can’t help but expect instant results and so sometimes I get disappointed when the scale isn't going down in numbers as fast as I would like.  But patience is a virtue and as long as I am doing what I should….everything will “come off” in time.   

Using the app My Fitness Pal is really great in helping me keep track of what I am eating.  James has been really supportive and is also using the app along with me.  It’s nice to have him along for the ride, and of course he has some weight he wants to lose too, so it all works out.  

Since putting on the foundation makeup over the scars on my chest I am working really hard at “liking” my breasts as they are.  I still don’t fully love how the implant in the left one is kinda visible, and I can feel it….but according to everyone else who has seen it they only notice it when I point it out...so I guess a lot of it is just me being way too picky.   James also says it doesn't bother him at all...so I am trying to make it a point to just tell myself that they look great whenever I catch my inner thoughts turning negative.

Tomorrow I am going thrift store shopping and plan on buying some more shirts for myself.  I have recently gotten rid of a lot of tops because I realized that they were not quite my style like I originally thought they were.   It feels great to know that I bought them at such a cheap price so getting rid of them leaves me feeling guilt free.  Even better is I have a coupon for 50% off of my entire purchase….so that seriously rocks.   If I am lucky I will even find a couple skirts, or maybe even dresses.  I don’t think I will ever get tired of being able to buy cute clothes in the normal section of the store.   Going to the plus size section to shop while my other friends were in the normal aisles was always annoying and just plain sad.  I can’t even express how great it feels to hang out with my friends and look at the same racks as they do now.  :)   It’s a huge deal...and I just love it!  

The Doctors Opinion is.....

Yesterday was my check up with my plastic surgeon.   It went well.  We voiced our concerns and he didn't agree with us, but after much talking and looking and marking me with a pen we agreed to give it more time and see how things went.  The bottom area (which is the area I have the most problem with) of my left breast he said is just how it is going to look.  He said many women have that going on and it is just normal for some women who have weaker muscle there to have the implant slightly show.   I don’t like it, but I know I can deal with it.  

The other thing we were concerned about what the cleavage area on the left breast.  He felt confident however that what was happening is that because the scar is in the wrong place it is giving a false appearance of looking way different than the other breast.  The eye is drawn to the scar (which at this point would be too hard to try to change because it would mess up the other one) and when you are just looking at that it makes the cleavage look wrong.

He suggested that I try putting some makeup on it for a while, so the scar is not noticeable and then see what I think.  Decide if what I am noticing is just the scar playing tricks on me or is there actually a problem.  He also wants to just wait a while longer since I just had surgery and the tissue needs time to heal up still.  And I agree….it would be nice if my body could actually go a full year without having surgery.  lol

I came home and put some foundation on my scars.  Right away I noticed that they did look better.  I still see a slight area that I wouldn't mind fixing in the cleavage...but overall, it looks great when the scar is covered up so I can only imagine that it is just the scar playing tricks on our eyes.  

In other news….while in California I gained 4 pounds, and then when I got home I gained another 3 because I was going out to eat more than a few times and even though I picked healthy choices it is hard to know exactly how much fat is in everything.  SO….I am being very very strict on my eating for the entire week, and not weighing myself either, in an effort to take those pounds off.  I am assuming a week should be more than enough time to take almost all of that off.  When I am very strict I lose it pretty fast and so far I am doing good.  I will probably be having lots of smoothies and fruits and such….luckily right now I am really enjoying plums and raisins as snacks.  I will keep you updated as to how losing this perky 7 pounds goes.  Crazy how just eating too much fat for a couple weeks can make weight come on me so quickly with this new stomach….but thankfully it can come off just as quickly too.  

Back From Vacation

My 4 week long trip to California was a success.   I did really well in regards to not lifting a lot of things.   Isaiah was so helpful and so was Evelyn which was very appreciated.  I am healing up really well still and I would say my right breast is for sure my favorite.  It looks near perfect and has healed up the best.   The left breast is not as great but isn't bad either.   The implant shows more and the cleavage area is not quite right.  This is probably due to the weak tissue holding the implant in.  My surgeon had made the decision to not use a product called Alloderm Mesh on the inside of my breast to hold the implants in place because it is pretty costly...but he did say that we would see how things went and then if we need to use it we do and if not we don’t.  

James wants to fix these small problems though because for one it would look better and two, our deductible has been met for the year so if we are going to do it we may as well do it this year.  Makes sense to me.  I am done worrying about how many surgeries I have had because at this point I am just resigned to the fact that my skin has been traumatized, I have lots of scar tissue, I am lacking in nutrients which would help me heal normally, and my skin was stretched a lot from the weight gain...so….it isn't surprising that I am having lots of problems.  I trust my doctor however and he always has my best interests in mind so I am happy with that.  

I have my appointment to see my doctor on August the 2nd and we will discuss our concerns then and also see what he thinks.  I feel like I am ok with whatever gets decided.  I would like things to look better, but if my doctor thinks this is fine for now I am ok with that too.  At this point I know I just need to be thankful for what I have.  

Driving the MiniVan

The road trip we take to California each year is fast approaching. We leave in four more days! YIKES!  lol  I gave back my parents small car that they had been letting me use and began driving my minivan once again to make sure I got used to it.  I am SO SO glad that they let me use their smaller/easier to drive car after my surgery because it obviously made all the difference.  Now when I drive my minivan I it doesn't hurt at all.  At first it was just too painful to pull that big steering wheel like I had to...but with the smaller car it was so much easier and it enabled my muscles to heal up so much faster.  Now I can drive the van easily and I feel confident that I will have no problems at all driving to California.  SO thankful.  :)  

Still healing up really well and getting in some light exercise too.  Going on bike rides (not going fast though, just cruising along) and taking walks to keep myself active.  I can tell it is helping me heal and stay in shape and I hope I find some time to do the same while I am in California too.  I just wish we could bring all our bikes with us there, but that just isn't going to happen.  Anyway...so healing up well...staying active...and just enjoying life in general.  I call that SUCCESS!!  :)  

Everything Went Well.....

Well my procedure was in  the morning...bright and early in fact.  I had to be there at 6am which although made me happy to get in and out early, I was of course unhappy to wake up so soon. Everything went really well though and although I am currently experiencing some pain it is very very minor and I didn’t even bother having my surgeon write a prescription for pain pills.  I never take them anyway so what is the point?  The cleavage area that he fixed looks way better than it did.  Slightly swollen right now, I can feel the water under the skin from it but I suspect that in less than two weeks that will be gone.  Also by then the wound itself should look much better and I think I will be comfortable in a swimsuit.  That is of course kinda important to me right now since in 9 days I leave for our trip to California and I will want to be able to at least tan and sit in the pool.  I can’t actually do any real swimming of course...that would be painful...but I can relax in the pool and I am fine with that.  

I will take a pic and post it on here as soon as I can.  I want to try to wait until the scar isn’t so fresh because I think if any of you saw it right now you would think it wasn’t actually looking that great. lol But I swear it is and I feel really pleased.  My implants are still in place and so as long as I continue to be careful my breasts should continue to heal up and I shouldn’t need any more surgeries.   Crossing my fingers for that big time (And praying) because I am just so done with getting put under anesthesia.  

One of my big problems with it is that every time I have surgery and I am put under anesthesia the next while I can’t sleep good.  I had just started sleeping well again a few weeks ago after the last procedure and now here I am, after this one and I went to bed and woke up at 2am...unable to get back to sleep.  I have tried almost everything too.  It’s very annoying and I don’t know why it affects me like this.  So far tonight I have had 3 hours of sleep.  I am for sure going to need a nap.  I hope this one doesn’t last too long, it is very annoying and will do me zero good when we drive to California.  I need to be able to sleep as much as possible then.  I feel like I should maybe start taking a bit of Melatonin at night, that could possibly help me stay asleep.  Think I will do that tonight.  

Anyway, so that is the basic update for now.  Still healing up well...still maintaining my weight...and really just feeling good in general.  Crazy how much this whole weight loss adventure has improved my life.  Yah I have had to go through a ton of reconstructive surgeries...but man oh man has it been worth it.  I feel younger, healthier, and happier.  You can’t put a price tag on that.   

Set Date!

Received the phone call today from my surgeons assistant that I am having that quick fix done on my cleavage on June 10th.   Prep time+surgery+recovery should be about an hour altogether, maybe 90 minutes.   Can’t wait to have good looking cleavage again and feel good in my swimsuit.  :)  James is going to work from home that day so he can take me to the hospital and bring me home.  Very glad he will be able to join me for this one as he has been unable to for the last few.  I will know what time I have to arrive some time this week when the hospital calls and lets me know.  Hoping it is in the morning so I can get it done and get home.  :)

Happy to be WRONG!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I don’t think I have ever been so happy to be wrong before in my life.  My appointment went so great!!  My implant in my left breast is NOT out!!!   You have no idea how relieved I am.  The area I saw that looked so similar to when my implant was out is just me seeing the implant a bit because the muscle in my chest that covers my implant does not go all the way down.  But everything is still in place, the right shape, and healing up well.   I am so so so relieved...you have no idea.  

As for the pain I have been experiencing in my right top breast area that is the muscle.  I probably pulled it when I reached up and pushed that thumb tack in and now it just needs to heal.  I am supposed to massage it even though it hurts when I do it.  

As for that area in the middle of my chest, where the skin is doing a “tuck” thing where there should be nice cleavage, my surgeon admitted that it looks like that is his fault...he added a couple extra stitches when he obviously didn't need to.  Since that is a quick 20 minute procedure where he simply takes those out and lets the skin relax he is going to get me in for that before I leave for my road-trip to California on June 20th.  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I will have good looking cleavage for swimsuit wearing.    

I can not even tell you how excited I am.  I got in the car in the parking lot of the hospital and started crying tears of joy.   I was so scared and worried, I don’t think I realized just how much I did NOT want to go through another extensive procedure.   Praise God for answered prayers.  I feel so happy. I should be getting a call soon about what day I am going in for that quick fix and I can NOT WAIT!!!