Wearing Shorts

Today I wore shorts. 

This may not seem like a big deal, after all I've worn shorts before, these exact ones to be precise. But today was very different. 

Normally when I'm driving my shorts wouldn't just ride up, but they would get bunched up above the extra skin and I would have to pull at them quite a bit to get them right again. And yes, many women experience their shorts riding up as they walk, but not all of those women have to contend with it happening and the world having full view of saggy, loose, extra skin from weight loss. 

It mentally plagued me each time I wore a pair of shorts but I forced myself to wear them anyway, because I try to not let fear of things or anxiety stop me from living life. 

But today .... TODAY WAS DIFFERENT!!!

Each time I got out of the Durango while working I would stand up and think to myself, "Do they need to be fixed?" And each time the answer was no. They were fine. As I walked I kept mentally and physically checking to see if I needed to adjust them, and each time the answer was no. They were worn with ease and comfort, and for the first time since I was 20 years old, I felt comfortable walking around with my thighs being semi exposed. 

I wish I could explain to you how that feels... But you'll just have to take my word for it that it's damn incredible.

6 Weeks Post Op.

6 Week Post Surgical Check-Up Appt:

My surgeon, Dr. Sherick, said I'm healing up amazingly well. I officially have no restrictions! Yay!!! I'm allowed to do whatever I want again as long as I'm feeling comfortable. He also said that normally he would have patients come back at the 3 month mark for the next check up but things are looking so impressive I can wait until the 4 month milestone! Sweet! I'm really happy with the results and feeling so thankful. I finally have my original legs back from before I ever became obese and it feels so good! 💛My surgeon, Dr. Sherick, said I'm healing up amazingly well. I officially have no restrictions! Yay!!! I'm allowed to do whatever I want again as long as I'm feeling comfortable. He also said that normally he would have patients come back at the 3 month mark for the next check up but things are looking so impressive I can wait until the 4 month milestone! Sweet! I'm really happy with the results and feeling so thankful. I finally have my original legs back from before I ever became obese and it feels so good! 💛

Medial Thigh Lift

On March 6th at 7:30 am I had my Bilateral Medial Thigh Lift. WOW... that was some interesting new pain levels. Not at all as painful as the horizontal and vertical tummy tuck, but still very painful and just in a different way. Surgery went really well. Two hours and forty minutes in surgery and then a couple hours in the recovery area. Trying to move and sit in the wheelchair to get from there to the car was an ordeal. But also, could have been much worse, since sitting down and getting up and down, is where I experience most of my pain. I didn't shed any tears or cry-out about it however when I did have to do things involving that. Dealing with the pain, sucking it up! If I am aware things will be painful, I can handle it. Sitting on the toilet is very painful due to the hardness of the seat. So, James made it a point on day 2 or 3, to purchase a cushioned toilet seat for me. It doesn't totally solve the problem, but it does help a great deal.

The incisions are all along the very top of my thighs right against my groin. It basically creates, along with my tummy tuck scar, a triangle surrounding my groin area. Kinda funny really. Initially when I arrived home standing to long caused an upset stomach, and I was very sleepy off and on from the anesthesia and pain meds. I also couldn't use the stairs well. As you can imagine lifting my legs more than 3-6 inches off the ground was quite painful. I ended up sleeping on the couch that night, and James did too. He wanted to be close by to me in case I needed help.

I had two drains coming out above the groin area, and as usual those are a big annoyance, although clearly necessary. It just isn't fun dealing with them in general, especially in the shower. By the second night I was able to go up the stairs and sleep in my own bed. That was a big win. We managed to find a semi comfortable way for me to get in and out of the bed without much pain, that involved me kind of rolling out. LOL

Seems silly but it works.

I took the pain meds they prescribed me for 3 days. By day 4 I only took the one at night and also the following night. They can sadly make you constipated and did. I had only had a bowel movement of very small amounts and it was incredibly difficult to get out, which created very painful hemorrhoids took a bunch of Collace on the night of the 11th which actually upset my stomach, and by the morning of the 12th, I had diarrhea, and everything came out. Thank goodness. Also on the 12th I had my first post op surgery checkup. All is well and so well in fact that I had my drains taken out. YAY!! My surgeon, Dr. Sherick, said that my legs look great and that I should expect that over time the skin will loosen some and look more natural, but of course won't look like it did before. I would sure hope not! LOL

I can't wait till I can comfortably sit in a car and on a toilet without pain again. Probably won't be Door Dashing anytime soon, I suspect until early April. I'll be including a picture of what things looked like before, and then on the first day of surgery. It's pretty amazing really!

Medial Thigh Lift

 The next cosmetic surgery has been a long time coming. It's been 12 years since I had my weight loss surgery and I have finally decided to venture into the next form of "feeling put together". On March 6th, 2024 (yep, just a few shorts weeks from now) I will be having a Medial Thigh lift. Having the excess skin on my inner thigh removed has been something I've wanted to have done for years and years, but because of the cost, and always feeling like it was something I should just deal with, I hadn't look into it previously. 

After what felt like ages, I decided to discuss the topic with James. He agreed that it would be ok to use the yearly bonus money he gets toward this procedure. I was thrilled! About 2 months ago I scheduled a consultation at what I felt was a well-reviewed surgeons office in Ypsi/Ann Arbor. The surgeon I met with was well spoken, clear, and made me feel comfortable. I really wanted to get two surgeries done at once, the thigh lift and a sort of Butt Lift, where the excess skin above my butt would have been removed. Sadly, that was an extra $!0,000 that I do not have. ugh. 

That was ok though, in due time I will get that done as well. For now, I have a thigh lift happening (very soon!) and I couldn't be happier about it. I don't quite know how to properly explain the total joy it will bring me to have this done. Although I always force myself to wear shorts, and swimsuits, I have always had a sense of unease about it. My loose skin isn't awful, but it doesn't look good, and it certainly makes me feel less confident and less physically attractive. Even though I realize, that isn't true.

I have my pre-op appointment scheduled for the 20th of this month.... everything will be paid for at that time and it won't be long after that the surgery is upon me. I can admit to being a bit nervous about this one. Unlike the tummy tucks, and breast surgeries, this one I can't hide as easily with the kind of clothes I want to wear if things go wrong. That has me a tad nervous. BUT.... all the reviews and pictures I have seen from this surgeon are excellent, so I know it will be fine. I will of course update after the surgery as soon as I am able. Hopefully the road to recovery won't be too painful.

Goal Reached!!

Well, it's been a very long time since I have posted anything in this blog, but I felt like it was finally time especially since I have some news that is simply AWESOME that I should have written about right away but just didn't make time for!! As you all know, I have been struggling for the last 5-7 years to get back to a weight that I feel more comfortable at. I was hovering for a while around 165 back around 2017 and thought that was not good, then later, I jumped up to 180-185 pounds and although not fat by any means (and still able to wear a bikini) I was NOT comfortable at all with how my body was looking in some regards, and also, I didn't like being that close to the 200-pound mark. That made me VERY nervous. I struggled for a couple years with being fully committed to what I needed to do so this goal could be reached. 

 About a year and a half ago however I decided it was time. I couldn't keep pushing it off anymore. It took longer than I would have liked simply because I had many, MANY trips that I took over that time period (one of them a month-long road trip by myself) and when you are traveling it can be hard to maintain a specific way of eating. But...I am happy to say that finally, after trying very hard and being diligent, have reached the goal weight I decided made me feel the most comfortable. 160 pounds! I know what you are thinking, I was so close to that years and years ago and thought I needed to be 150 pounds. But once I was at 180 for so long, I realized that actually 160 was a good look, and that I definitely didn't want to be around 145-150, because back then when I was, everyone and myself kind of thought I was looking a bit too skinny. So, here I am having reached the goal of 160 pounds. YAY!! Technically I am even lower than that, because this morning I was at 159.6. :) Gotta love it!

 

I posted about this the day of on social media website Facebook and Instagram... it happened about 4-5 days ago. I of course took the obligatory bikini pic, which I will post on here as well. lol It feels good to be at the weight that I wanted, and I really feel like I look great. I am so happy with myself, being able to maintain it, and looking and feeling awesome again when I am wearing certain types of clothes. I recently even tried on some lingerie that I haven't worn for awhile (not because I was too big for it) and when I put it on I couldn't help but think I looked so much better in it now than I did the last time I wore it. SUCCESS!! You can really see the difference in my face shape, and my arms. So there you have it, FINALLY.... I did it. I feel like it took me way too long but at least I can say I did it, and I feel really good about being able to maintain this as well. I will do my best to write in here again sooner though, I really need to be better about it.

 

Over and Over Again...

As always, I am still at a weight that is healthy, but not where I feel comfortable. I have written about this MANY times and every time I say what I will do and then I do it, for awhile... and then something happens that ruins it or derails it for awhile. It's frustrating and annoying to me. I realize though that this isn't anything new. I have a food problem. That is why I had weight loss surgery in the first place. If it was easy for me to lose weight I wouldn't have gotten fat to begin with. My lowest weight after all the nips and tucks was 145 pounds. That proved to be too skinny and not look as good on me. I eventually got up to 160 and was very happy right there. Looking good and felt good. About 4-5 years ago however I ended up weighing 170-173 pounds steadily. I don't really know for sure what made that happen. Could be many factors I suppose. Not watching my fat and caloric intake well is the most likely culprit. I wasn't happy with that number, but not unhappy either since I still looked good and felt sexy.

Recently I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a friends wedding and excitedly said yes. My first thought was, I need to get back down to weighing 160 pounds because I need to feel my best for her wedding pictures and look the best I can FOR HER for these photos. I was doing good...started at 174 pounds and lost 3 in just a couple weeks... then I went on a trip for 5 days to New Orleans and of course ate tons of fatty yummy food while there gaining that whole 3 pounds back. THEN, after that I somehow managed to gain an additional 4-5 pounds and now as of this morning I weigh an annoying 180 pounds! ugh... quite frankly I am sad and disappointed in myself. How did this happen? Why did this happen? It all comes down to me and not doing what I already know I should be doing. It's as simple as that really.

SO...enough of the whole, "I'm gonna do this/that/and the other thing starting right now." bullshit. For now on I either do it or I don't, and I don't complain about it anymore. I know how to manage my weight, I know how to live this lifestyle post surgery, and I either do it or don't. Simple. Period. End of story. So no longer will I be bringing this up. The next time you hear from me will either be to say that I did it and reached that 160 pound goal (or very close) or you won't hear from me at all about it because that means I wasn't making an effort. And if I wasn't making a strong effort, then that means it must not be very important to me.

I am so thankful that I was able to have weight loss surgery, I am so thankful it worked and that after that I had tummy tucks and breast lifts/implants. It was painful, but worth it! After that comes management, and really self management is the hardest part of all. No joke! So...there ya go... no more complaints. Cross my heart!

P.S. Yes, this picture is current. Just a few days ago.

Photo Shoot Fun

     One thing I want to be sure to do while I can is take the time to take pictures of myself while I'm feeling good about not just my looks, but my health overall.  4 years ago I did a photo shoot just for fun, and in 2018 I did it again.  I feel like it will be great to be older and look back on these images.  To see all the hard work and effort that I put in to stay healthy.  It's been 7 years since I had my weight loss surgery, and although I have put on 15 pounds over the last few years from not watching my calories like I should, I still look great and feel great!  It's important to celebrate that have fun beautiful images to commemorate it.  Hope enjoy looking at a few of them. I am having them printed, and putting them in an album.

New Scale

I went without owning a scale for about 3 months.  Pretty good really when you consider that I had been weighing myself every day for years now, sometimes twice a day.  But it was getting unhealthy to be weighing myself that often and I had finally decided it was best to get rid of it and force myself to have a withdrawal of sorts. It felt good.  Good to be focusing on just being being happy with how I looked and not worrying that I weigh a bit more than I would like. 

But everything comes to an end, and at some point you have to get a scale so you can keep track of your health.  I went on Amazon and found one that had great reviews and purchased it. Getting ready to do an official weigh in had me nervous, but I step on it ready for the worst. I was glad to see that although I hadn't lost any weight, I hadn't gained any either.  I was still holding steady at 171 pounds. Not what I want, but it's also fine. I keep on trying to remind myself that I look good, and feel good, and there isn't any reason  to be upset.  Of course that is difficult when you want to see the same low number you once did before, and look the same as you did with that low number, but life isn't easy, you gotta work hard, and I know I haven't been working as hard at losing it as I could be. This blog is full of me telling you guys how I am back on the exercise wagon and doing well, I am gonna lose that 15 pounds! lol  But then I don't, and fall back off.  I do well enough to maintain this weight, but man it's tough to lose the extra.

I guess in the end I am in a sense back to where I was when I was fat, mentally speaking at least.  I can continue to be this weight, and be content, or I can work harder and lose that weight. It's all a choice. Right now I am making some better choices, exercising a bit more, and I started drinking some Slim Fast shakes (not to supplement meals, but because they have 20 grams of protein and 1 gram of sugar. I am not eating my protein bars any more, since I basically got addicted to them, so these drinks will help me keep my protein up. And they taste ok, so it could be worse. lol

Right now I am sticking to only weighing myself once a week, Sunday morning.  I think that is a good day. It's hard to not step on it and take a peek... but I am managing. This weight loss journey never ends. Weight loss surgery isn't a magic pill, it can't fix your mental problems with eating, but it is a great tool that helps you lose weight quick and live a healthier life.  Still the second best decision I ever made (1st being marrying my husband) and I don't regret it at all. I look good, I feel good, and most importantly, I have made a healthier life for myself. 

 

New Swimsuit in the Winter

New swimsuit is all set! Yes!  Stretch marks, loose skin, scars, etc. Doesn't matter because six years after weight loss surgery I'm still feeling good. Do I still want to lose that pesky extra 10-15 pounds? Sure I do. But damn it I still look awesome. Can't wait to wear this on our 20th anniversary cruise this summer. Hurry up July!

6 Years!

Link to a video about my 6 year check up.  :)  How has it been that long already?

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10155933437063000&id=514672999

4 Pounds Down --- 12 To Go!

SO...the last time I weighed myself it was at night, when you aren't supposed to weigh yourself since you have eaten all day, and I saw the number that was unacceptable. 171 pounds. HELL NO!!!! So... on the exercise/calorie watching bandwagon I went. Weight loss surgery is a great tool, but it's hard work and I had been slacking off for too long. So that was about 12 days ago and last night I weighed myself again, yep, at night to keep with the trend, and I was at 167. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heading in the right direction. Back on the treadmill today, walking and trying to run a bit too. Counting calories, fat, and protein as I am supposed to. Of course I got on this same bandwagon in April, (as is obvious by a couple blog posts prior) and I am hopeful that this time I will maintain my motivation and over all determination. Anything worth having, like your health, is worth working hard for. And I certainly can't let all these surgeries go to waste right? lol P.S. If you are a regular reader of my blog this kind of post is familiar. I go through stages of doing great and maintaining the weight I like, and then struggling. It's an on going issue when you have a food problem. Mentally it is a HUGE struggle and I wish there was a pill I could simply take that made me only want to eat when actually hungry. Thank you to all of those who have supported me and lifted me when they see me about to snack and call me out on it. It always helps and is always appreciated. My goal of 155 pounds is getting closer!

REAL Bikini Bottom

Today marked a milestone.  Since losing weight and having my reconstructive surgeries I have greatly enjoyed wearing a two piece swimsuit...however; I have strictly only worn a bikini bottom with an attached skirt.  I have always felt that my inner thighs were way too flabby and unattractive due to excess skin from the weight loss to really look good in a regular bikini bottom.

Currently I'm on a mini vacation with James for our anniversary and we were in a gift ship looking around.  I came across a cute bikini bottom with no skirt and decided to try it on.  Normally I wouldn't haver bothered, but I had just experienced a bit of an epiphany in regards to what I should aollow myself to feel comfortable in when wearing swim wear...so I gave it a go.

I put it on...and decided that although I may not be a super model, I certainly don't look awful...and actually probably look good.  I need to stop worrying and just LIVE. I bought it.

And to top it off...James and I went swimming in the hotel pool and I wore it with confidence.  A bit nervous...but more confidence than not. I'm proud...excited...and feeling good about myself.  Moral of the story?  Stop worrying about how you look to everyone else and just be happy with you.  :)

30 Day Activity Challenge

In an effort to help the kids develop better eating habits that they can take into adulthood, I decided that the whole family will do a 30 Day Activity Challenge.  Being physically active in some way everyday for 30 days.  ALSO, eating as little added sugar as we can.  So far we are half way through, with our finishing day being July 24th.  Everyone is doing great.  Evelyn normally walks on our new/used treadmill, Isaiah works out with weights and the punching bag, James either walks or does a video, and I do one of a few things.  Ride my bike, walk 2 miles, or do a work out video.

I am really proud of our effort.  James has lost a few pounds already.  I have struggled (as you all know) to lose this annoying 10 pounds and I am hoping this will further help me to that goal.  I am doing well still monitoring my food/caloric intake and although I do go over sometimes, I am at least maintaining this weight, and not gaining.  That is good.  I need to do better of course and cut back on my snacking still, so it's less calories and thus I will lose weight.

So frustrating how weight loss surgery can help so much when it comes to losing weight, yet it can do nothing to help your mental issues with food.  BUT, I have known that for years now, as do you since I mention it often. lol  Nonetheless I am still proud of myself for at the very least maintaining my current weight.  It may be 10 pounds more than I would like, but I still look great and must remember that.  Even though it is hard, very hard.

Yet I will continue to try to lose this 10 pounds and regain my personal comfort level.  Knowing I look fine, doesn't change the fact that I simply don't feel as comfortable as I would like in my skin at this weight.  So onward I will go with it, as we all should when we have goals to reach.  Never stop trying!!  That is what must done.

Committed and Feeling Good!

My calf muscles are SO sore from two straight days of jogging and other workouts. Taking a break today, and back at it tomorrow. BUT, I am doing consistently great with my caloric intake which is also a huge part of not only losing the weight I want, but also maintaining the weight I want once I get there again. What is my goal weight you ask?? 150-155 pounds. Right now I am 166 pounds. I got this!!! At one point after my reconstructive surgery I weighed 145 pounds. Which although I loved seeing a number that low (I mean what former obese girl wouldn't?) James and a few friends all expressed that I looked too thin... so I am thinking 150-155 is the better range to shoot for.

I can honestly say I am feeling a much stronger sense of commitment and determination right now than I have in over a year. Not sure what "clicked"... but glad it did. Maybe it was a certain number on the scale... or maybe it was seeing that the weight I put on was visible to me in my face and arms... but whatever it is I was NOT ok with it. All that hard work and also all the pain from surgeries will never be for nothing! I have a pic of "fat Eva" as my wallpaper on my phone just so I have a constant reminder. One day at a time people.. one day at a time.

Diligence

Trying to exercise more often (Gotta get rid of this excess 15 pounds that has been around for almost 2 years now). Last night I did a new intense workout that I found on YouTube. I definitely worked up a sweat. Tonight I am gonna go for a short run with Evelyn... and then do that same workout again. Feeling more determined lately and ready to be back in the game of diligence!! Weight loss surgery can help you lose weight, and it can give you confidence... but it can't fix the way you think about food. All things considered, I am doing great though... which my doctors also say. I am proud of the weight I lost, and will be proud when I lose this annoying 15 pounds too. I CAN do it... and I WILL do it.

New Years Resolutions and Healthy Choices

Here we are in 2017.  For 2016 I made my first New Year’s Resolution (To read the entire Bible in a year) and successfully completed it.  This made me feel so excited and proud that I decided to create another one for 2017.  I have 3 resolutions, but the one that is the most important is that I have decided to do some form of exercises, mainly planks and crunches, every single day.  Because of my tummy tuck and my surgeon stitching together my stomach muscles I know I have the potential to have a tight and firm stomach, possibly even a six pack.  (At least that is what the surgeon told me.)  I am on day 4 right now and doing great.  I printed up a monthly exercise program that takes me just a few minutes a day and then on top of that I plan to randomly do planks throughout the day hopefully… but at a minimum, at least once a day.  I started off being able to do a 45 second plank, and already have added an extra 5 seconds on to that.  SWEEEET!!

I am excited to see the transition that this will bring over the course of a year.  I should probably take a before pic, just in case there is some actual visual difference when December 2017 rolls around.  I am also trying very hard to strictly maintain the calorie intake goals I have set for myself for each day.  As you all know I have struggled to get this annoying 10-15 pounds off of me that I put on over the course of two years.  It isn’t noticeable to anyone else really, but it certainly is to me and of course it’s visible on the scale.  So the combo of doing that with the exercise should be interesting.

Lastly, I am happy to report that I have been great about cutting back on my bad habit of eating WAY too many protein bars all day.  I finally made a promise to James that I would go cold turkey for a while to get myself out of the habit of eating them.  It’s never a good thing to have too much of anything, and when you are eating those for every meal and snack… well…. That just isn’t healthy.  So… I was able to finally break free and now I only have them once a month.  And it’s just the one bar.  Feels good to have broken that bad habit.  I suppose you could say I have been accomplishing a lot in 2016.  LOL.  

I will try to keep random updates on here about how my resolution is going and if I can feel or see any progress.  Also if I lose that pesky weight.  Everything else is still going great, taking my vitamins every day, trying to stay hydrated, and despite feeling tired often I am keeping busy.  Too bad my Sleep Apnea never went away… that would have been nice.  Anyway… Happy New Year to you all… ttyl.

Achilles Heal

Snacking is my achilles heal.  For sure.  Why I have struggled to lose this annoying 10 pounds that I gained back a year ago is plain for me to see.  It’s the snacking.  PRAISE GOD I can not snack on sweets anymore and thank you God that I also can’t snack on a lot.  I am also so thankful for my family and friends who all hold me accountable when they do see me trying to snack.  If I could have one trivial wish it would be for me to only eat when I am actually hungry.

It’s not just me I realize, I am not alone in this.  But being someone who has lost so much weight and is in general being very successful at keeping it off… this 10 pounds is very annoying.  Wouldn’t it be nice if the weight loss surgery could also solve the food problem I have in my brain?  I would really love for it to…  but sadly that is not the case.  I have to be determined.. I have to be resolute….and I need to just stop being a total idiot.  I know what I need to do… I need to just DO IT!!  

On the plus side I still consider myself a great success story.  I feel like 10 pounds in 5 years is not bad at all.  I eat well and take my vitamins… and I am always sure to eat all my protein.   What I need to get back to doing that I was doing and then stopped… is exercising. I HATE exercise which makes it really hard to want to even do it a little bit.  LOL… but I really need to.  Ugh… so annoying.  Why can’t being athletic just be a natural thing?  Anyway… that is all for now… just wanted to vent/discuss the enemy that is snacking.  I think we can all agree that it is an evil we ALL struggle with.

Stretch Marks and Belly Buttons

It’s still strange sometimes to look in the mirror and see stretch marks that I know used to be in a whole different spot than where they are now.  The tummy tuck scars and muscles have long since healed (it’s been over 3 years now) and everything is as it should be.  Hard to believe that 5 pounds of skin was removed and skin was pulled and moved around to create the nice shape I have now.  Stretch marks that were on my far side are now in the front, and some that were way below or up high are now centered.  It’s a funny thing to see when you really pay attention to stuff like that, which I do. LOL

Also strange and not as attractive is my new belly button. The old ones was removed along with the extra skin and a new one was created.  Sadly this new one isn’t near as cute…  but hey… what can you do.  God didn’t make this one… a person did.  And you can’t ask for perfection from a person. LOL  All I know is I remain incredibly happy with how my tummy tuck turned out.  Having a vertical and horizontal tuck was a great option. It gave me that curve that I wanted (hour glass shape) and as flat of a tummy as I could get.  There is still a small “pooch” because they can only remove so much… but really… who gives a crap?  I mean I had a bunch of skin hanging over and now I don’t.  That is the whole point!  I would say that I am still very happy with these results even a few years later.  

Last Surgical Check-Up + Pic!

Final check up on my left breast was today.  The Ryan Procedure is now 3 months behind me… and I look and feel GREAT!  According to my surgeon, Dr. Momoh...I can go back to all my regular activities now.  Of course… James still wants me to err on the safe said and not do too much heavy lifting.  But that’s ok… that just means I get spoiled a while longer. LOL!

I am so pleased with these results. I can not even tell you how much more confident I feel now about my chest and especially having James see them.  Even my cleavage looks much better!  What a huge relief I feel. I am so thankful that I found a good surgeon who had a good plan of action for me.  I took a quick picture while in the doctor's office so you could see the progress of the incision and all that… healing up so nicely!!

2nd Post-Op Appt + Random Thoughts

I had my second post surgery check up a few days ago.  Everything went great and I was so happy that my surgeon was just as pleased with how things looked as I am.  He said I can resume my regular activities, including exercise, etc.  James and I are of course very cautious however when it comes to lifting things since I have had so many problems in the past… so although I am doing a lot of things like cooking, cleaning, etc… James still doesn’t want me to lift things that are very heavy.  I am sticking to the weight of about a gallon of milk.  That seems to be just right.

My surgeon also asked me how the pain levels were for me after surgery and I told him that it was so tolerable that I was pleasantly surprised.  He had told me it was going to hurt so badly that I was expecting some horrible amount of pain and he said that it can be so hard to judge how each person will handle a surgery like that.  I have decided that I am just a bad ass… and can handle pain like a champ. Lol

Now that everything looks awesome I just feel so much better about my body.  My left breast is no longer totally different looking than the right.  I don’t feel awkward or uncomfortable when James looks at it.  That isn’t to say that I love everything about my body.  The fact is I am a girl… and every girl has something that she doesn’t like.  I don’t blame the media for this like so many people do...because simply put the media only shows us what it knows we want to see.  For centuries women have been trying to look “perfect”.   You can look all the way back to the Renaissance Period and even then we had women who tried to be as skinny as possible by wearing corsets.  As much as “we” all want to say that every size is beautiful… we also mock people who we deem bigger… we make fun of them, cringe at them, judge the clothes they wear, etc.  

Women are constantly judging each other no matter what their size and the media knows we do this… they know we want to see some form of perfect beauty… so they show us that.  They show us what we want to see… it fuels our desire to look more perfect.  Causes it?  No, I don’t think so… but fuels it?  Most certainly.  But again, I don’t blame them… they are just showing us all what we want to see.  And I can admit it… I can admit that I prefer to look at “beautiful” people when I watch shows.  Or when I see a magazine.   So what does that mean for when I look at myself?  I see someone healthy…. Finally.  I also see someone who looks pretty sexy all things considered.  But I also see imperfections.  I see saggy inner thighs that I would love to have fixed.  It’s just what happens when you have weight loss like that.  I also see a very flat and saggy butt… for the same reason.  

There is always something.  Always.  But in the end I am still really happy.  I am so happy that I choose to get healthy.  I can walk long distances, climb hills, ride my bike, and even run if I want.  I can fit into clothes from the regular rack...I feel confident, beautiful, sexy, and alive!!  All of this is so great and I wouldn’t change it for the world.  I am so happy that I opted to have weight loss surgery.  It was truly a life changing experience and all for the good.