Tomorrow is the Day!!!

Tomorrow is the day.  Surgery.  I am feeling such a strange mix of emotions.  I feel excited, and happy, and anxious… but at the same time I am very nervous and worried…. Almost scared.  The positive feelings are of course because I am so happy to be getting this taken care of.  I can not tell you what it feels like to look in mirror and see this breast look so different from the other, and not just different, but look “wrong”.  It makes me very self conscience…. Especially around James.  Which I of course know I don’t need to be, but I think it’s just a natural thing us women do… we can’t help but feel like we want to be everything we can for our men… and that means looking as good as we can look.  It’s never realistic to want that of course, but we do it all the same. Lol  Crazy isn’t it though?  Doing something in our minds that only causes us more stress and frustration.  Lol   Girls are crazy.

On the negative side of my feelings… I am really nervous and scared because I have no guarantees that this will work.  The surgeon can not promise me that this will fix my problem… although he does feel confident.  And second, he has told me that this procedure will be very painful, in fact he made it a point to emphasize it.  He said this is because anytime a surgery involves your bones, the pain is just different.  That makes me nervous.  Yep...attaching part of my breast to my top rib bone is gonna hurt.  But will it hurt worse than the other big surgeries I have had?  I have no idea.  It’s so hard to know and I am worried that this will be way harder to take.  

I am thankful however that James will be home with me for the first 5 days, and then after that the kids are on Spring Break.  Having that help at home will be so important.    There are going to be so many basic things that I will not be able to do.  Just lifting my arm to put a shirt on will be tough, can you imagine trying to open a jar of food?  Or even chopping up veggies for a big dinner?  Let alone trying to do laundry.  Ugh.  Yep… I am thankful for help.  Then there will be the whole 3-4 weeks of no driving… and a very long time of not lifting more than 5 pounds.  Which quite frankly there were times after my other surgeries that even 5 pounds seemed like too much.  Lol

So…. here goes the countdown…. Tonight I can’t eat food after midnight.  And then after 9:15am tomorrow morning no more water.  Gotta be at the hospital at 11:15am… surgery is at 12:15pm.   Should last 2 hours, and then another 2 hours of being in recovery.  Hoping to be home around 6pm “ish”.  Please pray that everything goes smoothly…. And that things actually do get fixed.